


Mind If I Sit Down?

by Larkin21



Series: On My Mind [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anal Sex, Barisi - Freeform, Blow Jobs, Casual Sex, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Might tag more characters as I write more, Not all these characters in every chapter, Rimming, Season 17, Slow burn with sex, if that's even a thing, kinda sorta, multiple episodes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-01-23 01:37:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18539647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkin21/pseuds/Larkin21
Summary: A continuation of episode tags and missing moments in myOn My Mindseries, where Carisi and Barba enter into a casual relationship, from 17x05-17x16 (Community Policing through Star-Struck Victims).This series is numbered as I wrote it and can easily be read in that order. Chronologically, though, Part 1 (18x08) takes place well after subsequent parts. Read in any order you please.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, Carisi seeks Barba out after 17x05.
> 
> Sonny's POV. Next chapter will be Rafael's POV and I'll switch back and forth each chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... better late than never, I hope? I stopped writing for a long time and then I scrapped a good chunk of what I had written for this part. Now that I'm writing again, I just need to start posting what I have and I'll try to keep working on next chapters consistently until all nine chapters of this part are up. I do have a couple more chapters basically ready but no promises on a regular update schedule.
> 
> Thank you so much to [Italian Doll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/italiandoll) for being my very patient beta. [Natalie](https://twitter.com/nataliecjeffrey), you're the best ❤️ All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Friday August 21, 2015 - Community Policing**

* * *

"Yeah, right!" Sonny said hotly. He ignored the surprised looks from Amanda and Fin. The three of them were in a waiting room at Mercy Hospital, where the crowd had thinned out considerably. A group of five cops still stood just a few feet away, loudly discussing the Terrance Reynolds case. 

Across the hall, Sonny could see Benson talking to the mayor through the glass of what looked to be a nurses' break room but he suddenly wasn't concerned about Lieu and the mayor. His focus, and his anger, was directed just past Fin's shoulder at a short, stocky white cop.

"Are you really blaming the ADA? You think there'd be _less_ violence right now if there hadn't been an indictment?" Sonny hardly paused, five cops looking at him with confused yet angry expressions. "Get real. The entire city would rebel, not just one asshole."

"Who are you calling an asshole?" It was the short guy's slightly taller, much skinnier, friend. 

"No one," Amanda answered quickly, her voice calm and soothing, a hand in front of Sonny's to preemptively keep him from advancing on the unis. "He's talking about the cop killer, not anyone here."

The small group of cops were clearly still confused and Sonny opened his mouth to explain but he was interrupted by the short cop.

"That ADA needs to learn what it's like to be shot at, that'd fix him."

"I want your badge number!" Sonny yelled as he pointed menacingly at the cop, even as Fin stepped between the two and reached for Sonny's elbow. "Threatening the life of an officer of the court? That's aggravated harassment in the second degree, a class A misdemeanor. You better -"

But Sonny's rant was cut short. He had allowed himself to be pushed back and out of the waiting room. He didn't even realize it was happening until the other man was out of his line of sight. Sonny glared at Fin and listened to Amanda's voice turn southern-charm as she explained how stressed her partners were. 

"You need to leave, man," Fin told him plainly, bringing his attention fully away from Amanda's continued conversation.

"What? Why?" 

"This isn't the time to play devil's advocate." 

"I'm not playing," Sonny responded, back straight and brows knitted together. He shifted his suit jacket from one arm to the other.

"Okay, sure," Fin stepped closer and lowered his voice. "And you're not wrong, either. But this still ain't the time." 

Sonny looked around. He could see the back of Benson's head in the break room, nodding as the mayor spoke. Amanda stepped into the hallway with them, giving Sonny a disbelieving look.

"I was gonna stay. See if Lieu needed any help," Sonny argued, ignoring Amanda.

"We got this," Amanda said quickly, she and Fin clearly on the same page. "You go."

He paused, glancing toward the waiting room.

"You know, they could use some perspective," Sonny tried, but with less force. He knew there was no use but he couldn't stop himself from saying it.

"Not tonight," Fin responded, shaking his head. "Wouldn't do any good anyway." 

"Seriously, Carisi," Amanda pushed. "Go on home."

Sonny glanced at her belly but immediately discarded any thought of pointing out that if anyone needed to go home, she did. He glanced towards the waiting room again.

"Sergeant from another precinct heard the whole thing. He got the badge numbers. He's contacting IAB. We can contact Tucker later to make sure it's being handled. Not tonight." Amanda held Sonny's gaze, stone faced for a moment before she allowed a small smile. "We got it, okay?"

"Alright," Sonny finally agreed. "Just call me if anything comes up."

"It won't," Fin brushed off.

"But we will if it does," Amanda reassured, side-eying Fin.

Sonny nodded and took a few steps backwards before he strode away, pulling his jacket on as he went.

He walked to the elevator on autopilot, his mind on the bullshit every cop in the city seemed to be spewing about the indictment. Of course everyone from the 27th precinct was pissed at Barba. He got that, even though he felt compelled to defend Barba. He understood the anger and he agreed with some of what they had to say. 

But listening to it for the last hour or so from those other officers, after the murder of a beat cop? Did they really think it was the _indictment_ that caused this? As though there wouldn't be more violence and retribution if it appeared the system was protecting cops, instead of investigating and letting a jury decide?

Once he finally exited the hospital and the warm August air hit his face, Sonny knew he really didn't want to go home. He was too worked up but he also didn't want to go to any of his usual spots since those were all frequented by cops.

He stopped at the corner and took out his phone. As he scrolled through his contacts he thought about Barba, imagining him sitting in his office or at a bar, drinking alone. He doubted he'd be at Forlini's. Too many people there he wouldn't want to see. 

Barba had mentioned a place called Voda a couple of times lately, a restaurant or bar that was in his neighborhood. He'd never mentioned it directly to Sonny, but Sonny had overheard. Just last week, before they even knew Terrence Reynolds' name, Barba had invited Benson there when the squad was leaving his office. She had given him a hard time for picking that place so much lately.

Sonny punched "Voda" into his phone and found that there were a few restaurants with the same name in New York. Luckily, there was only one in Manhattan so he selected the first item listed on his Maps and he saw that it was about a 15 minute drive. Sonny flagged down one of the many cabs slowly passing the hospital.

* * *

Sonny wasn't exactly sure what he was up to. He hadn't spent much time around Barba outside of work. And unless they were discussing a case, he'd never been around Barba without a couple other people from the squad there too. He knew that Barba wasn't his biggest fan, although he didn't seem as put off by him lately. Even so, would he want to see a slightly annoying co-worker on an evening like tonight? The co-worker who openly sassed him in front of the grand jury? Barba had been pissed when he tried to approach him during the grand jury's break. Still, he decided to risk it. 

Even if he didn't have a slight crush on the man, Sonny knew he would want to seek out any co-worker in a similar situation. Someone who had had a rough week with powerful forces trying to pull them in multiple directions. Even a technical victory, especially in these circumstances, can be isolating. Sonny almost felt bad that he hadn't sought Barba out at the end of the workday instead of waiting until he was fed up with his fellow officers. 

Despite knowing that he'd do it for others, the crush was undeniable and it drew him to the ADA. It had started easily and unsurprisingly enough. In addition to his God given good looks, Barba's style, confidence, and wit had attracted Sonny immediately. Of course, he would have been drawn in on one level or another anyway simply by the man's profession, and his success in it. 

The attraction was born pretty much at the same time as the professional admiration, even before he met the man. Sonny always followed local news,especially big trials. He had read Barba's name and saw him speak to the press for years before joining Manhattan SVU. When the two did met, Sonny was a bit disappointed that the ADA clearly disliked him but he was also excited by the idea of trying to win him over, if only on a professional level. 

Over the course of their working relationship, the crush ebbed and flowed in intensity. Sonny attributed it to proximity and his enjoyment of their back-and-forth, even when Barba put him in his place. Even _more_ so due to those moments, if he was honest with himself. Barba would linger in his mind on days they saw each other. He would replay interactions, imagining his own better comebacks and Barba's likely facial expression and verbal sparring. 

Sometimes he'd imagine more, late at night. He'd allow his fantasies to play out but he didn't dwell on them after his release. He didn't imagine Barba reciprocating his attraction in actuality. He thought it possible that Barba enjoyed their dynamic but only as co-workers who challenged one another. Nothing more than that.

Mercifully, when Barba was working on different cases or was on vacation or otherwise absent, Sonny's mind did not stray to the man at all. He might imagine how Barba would approach aspects of cases but only as a legal challenge to himself. He imagined how some of his professors, and even other prosecutors he knew, would approach cases too.

He was not yet enamored enough to truly miss Barba when he was gone. His life was too full of work, school, family, and friends for that to even be an option.

* * *

Sonny spotted Barba the second he walked in, sitting at the far end of the bar on a stool that faced the entrance, a glass of amber liquid in hand. Barba's sleeves were rolled up and his jacket was laying across the bar, taking up the space in front of the stool to his left. 

Even from where he stood, Sonny could tell that his hair was slightly mussed and his eyes were cast toward his drink. He could not tell from where he stood if Barba's suspenders had some kind of pattern to them, like he knew his shirt and tie did.

Sonny slowly crossed the restaurant, intentionally walking close to the near-empty bar with the hope that Barba would spot him. No such luck. Instead, Sonny stood awkwardly behind the stool where Barba's jacket lay. 

Not wanting to startle him, Sonny resisted the urge to put a hand on his shoulder in greeting. Instead, he reached forward to place his phone to the left of Barba's glass. 

Barba's eyes lazily followed the movement and trailed up to Sonny's face when his hands rested on the back of the empty stool beside Barba. Barba's eyes narrowed slightly but Sonny just smiled calmly.

"Evening, Counselor. Mind if I sit down?" Sonny hesitated a fraction of a second, as though that was enough time for Barba to refuse him, before he gently picked up Barba's jacket from the counter and hung it over the back of Barba's stool.

"Go ahead, Detective," Barba said, sarcasm dripping. "Make yourself at home. Would you like to drink my scotch?"

"Nah, thanks for the offer," Sonny played along with an easy smile. "I'm gonna stick to beer tonight."

Sonny shrugged out of his jacket and slung it on the back of his own stool before sitting down.

"What are you doing here?" Barba still looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Did Liv send you?"

"Liv? No," Sonny rolled his eyes even as he continued to smile. "Believe it or not, I can do things without being ordered to. Buy you a drink?"

"I already have one," Barba answered curtly. "So you're taking it upon yourself to check up on me? Why?"

Sonny sighed but he kept looking forward as the bartender approached, smiling and making eye contact with her. He pulled his wallet out and had his credit card ready before she stopped in front of him.

"What can I get ya?" She asked pleasantly as she placed a napkin in front of him.

"That the Flagship lager you have on tap?" The young woman nodded. "Great, I'll have that. And I'll start a tab." He handed over his credit card.

"Sure thing. Would you like another scotch, sir?" Sonny smirked to see that her tone was more formal with Barba.

"Yes, please," Barba answered.

"Put his on mine," Sonny interjected quickly. She nodded and went to pour their drinks. Barba didn't acknowledge the gesture but he did look at Sonny intently. Like he was waiting.

"What?" Sonny asked as he leaned forward, forearms resting on the bar. "I said I wanted to buy you a drink."

"But you haven't answered my question, Detective. Why did you take it upon yourself to seek me out tonight?"

Sonny turned towards Barba, only his left arm resting on the bar now, and he looked Barba in the eye. "You hear about the uni?"

Barba threw down his last swallow of scotch but placed his glass down calmly and pushed his sleeves up even higher. "Carisi, if you think I need your guilt trip right now, you are --"

"No, no. I'm not here to lay down any guilt," Sonny cut in quickly, shaking his right hand slowly, palm down. "I'm telling you. I was at the hospital. With all the other cops in the city, you know?"

Barba snorted, not smiling, and nodded. The bartender returned with drinks. Sonny watched distractedly as she went to take the orders of a couple new arrivals at the other end of the bar. 

"I just got tired of hearing it," he spit out with a shake it his head. "The bullshit. As though the indictment didn't save more lives than any of us can imagine."

Barba stared at him, his expression puzzled.

"So … you decided to come and tell me that every cop in the city thinks I'm to blame for this young officer's _death_?"

"Shit. No," Sonny sighed again. He felt his cheeks heat up and he took a quick pull of his drink. "That's not the point at all." He hesitated, careful not to fuck up again. "The point is, for what it's worth, I'm in your corner. And so are Rollins and Fin and - "

"Not Liv." It wasn't a question, nor was it self-pity. Just a fact.

"Course she is." But Sonny wasn't convincing to either one of them. Lieu's slammed door from earlier in the day rang in his ears. So he corrected himself. 

"Of course she will be, if she's not already. It's been a hard week for you both. But push comes to shove, she's on your side. She's worried about cops but she cares about you."

Barba waved a dismissive hand and sipped his drink, eyes closed. Sonny worried that he was feeling emotional but when he opened his eyes again, they were clear and piercing.

"So this is your guilt then? You're on my side now, when it wasn't even 12 hours ago that you were explaining to me how _hindsight_ works," and Barba paused, gesturing his own hand loosely in Sonny's direction. "Nice choice of words, by the way."

"Yeah, if I recall, that was around the same time you thought I needed to be reminded that Terrence Reynolds was a human being? Bringing up his parents?"

One corner of Barba's mouth pulled tight. Sonny had seen that expression many times when someone made a point that Barba didn't want to acknowledge.

"Look," Sonny started, his tone more conciliatory. "I meant what I said today. I do think it's easy to second guess any time a cop uses force. They were in a tough spot and had every reason to believe they had their man."

Barba opened his mouth and held up a finger to cut in. Sonny mirrored him and continued.

"But! But, even when your intentions are good and you think you're in the right, you can still fuck up. Cops can still fuck up. And … you're right. We should be held accountable when we fuck up. We don't get to hand down sentences in the streets. Yeah, the kid was running but there was no gun or anything that looked like a gun. These guys were angry about the rapist and they were convinced that Terrence Reynolds was their man. They were wrong and they should be held accountable."

Barba looked dumbfounded, unblinking and mouth open slightly. Sonny smiled softly.

"When we're not held accountable … when people like you don't do your job. That's when there are riots." Sonny took another sip of beer before continuing, pointer finger jamming into the bar a couple of times as he spoke. 

"That's when cops feel vindicated. Not because they want to shoot innocent black men. But because they're reinforced that black men are dangerous by default and they have to use more force to defend themselves. This was the first step toward justice. And hopefully a step towards changing police culture. You deserve a fucking medal."

Sonny leaned his right forearm back onto the bar and looked up at the TVs over the bar mirrors. The Yankees were on, taking a beating from Cleveland. Sonny smiled. He didn't care much about the American League but it was always nice to see the Yankees lose. He felt Barba's eyes still on him and he turned his head a fraction to look back.

Barba looked thoughtful, unsmiling, drink almost finished.

"Let me order you another."

"You trying to get me drunk, Carisi?"

"Would that cheer you up?"

"Is that what you've been trying to do? I'm sorry, Detective. As _thrilling_ as it is to have you on my side now, I still wonder where such a declaration was during the Grand Jury."

"What do you care? You got your indictment."

"And you just sat here saying how important the indictment was! But your testimony could have prevented it!"

Sonny stared at him, disbelieving.

"You think my short testimony could have been that impactful either way?"

"Of course I do! Anyone's testimony can! Why question a person otherwise?"

Sonny sighed.

"Look, I was testifying to the facts as I knew them. I can't get up there and talk about my opinions on the justice system failing to bring cops to justice."

"Because you were afraid it'd get back to other cops?"

"Nah. Course not. Because it wasn't part of the questioning. While we're talking about it, the way you questioned me? Did you not expect me to get defensive?"

"Oh, so you have no control over your reactions? You can be baited so easily that you'll focus on one nuisance of your view of a case, even if it is detrimental to the overall point of the case?"

"Counselor, come on. You were the one in control. You directed the questioning. I responded to it. Sue me for not changing the line of questioning."

Barba scoffed loudly this time.

"And, again, I didn't say a word I didn't believe. I just … couldn't get past the fact that these guys are usually good cops. I couldn't lump this in with all those other shootings. The bad shootings. Hell, this case even made me feel sympathy for what I had considered "bad" shootings. But with nothing to do but think today. No one to listen to but self-righteous cops…"

Sonny made a dismissive gesture with his right hand, unsure how to finish his thought. Barba stared at him, mouth tight and nostrils flaring. Then he rolled his eyes and turned his head away from Sonny, facing forward.

" _Hindsight_ ," he muttered into his glass before taking a quick sip. And then, more loudly, "You know what, buy me that drink."

He still sounded angry. But he agreed to stay with Sonny longer and that counted as a win.

Sonny caught the bartender's eye, held up two fingers, and pointed toward both of their glasses. The two sat in silence, finishing their drinks while they waited for fresh rounds.

When they were delivered, Sonny saw Barba out the corner of his eye, nodding politely to the bartender. It was a pretty quiet establishment, especially for a Friday night. And more casual than Sonny would have expected for Barba.

He wondered if they had gotten too animated. If Barba worried about alienating himself from his neighborhood bar. He was about to apologize for getting loud when he heard Barba's phone buzz. 

Barba picked it up to read the text and Sonny turned his attention back to the TV to give him privacy. They had broken in the Yankees game to show the Mets doing well in Colorado. Not a bad night, as far as baseball went. 

Then the bartender changed the channel to the news and Sonny looked away, not wanting to see the face of the young officer again.

Barba was still staring at his hands, where his phone had been. His expression blank and his phone was now resting on the bar just below his fingers, the screen also blank. He seemed to sense Sonny looking at him, his eyes blinking back into focus on Sonny's face. And he smiled. Just barely but the corners of his mouth twitched and his eyes seemed happy. 

"How much have-"

"How old are you, Detective?" Barba interrupted, head tilted back, practically looking down his nose at Sonny.

Sonny actually blushed. He tried to cover it by drinking his beer but he was pretty sure Barba had noticed. So Barba hadn't had so much that he wasn't observant. He smirked slightly and just waited Sonny out.

"I'm 35. Why? You think I'm younger, don't you?"

"All that gray hair? Don't flatter yourself."

"Hey!" Sonny laughed out loud and shook his head. "Here I was protecting myself from you commenting on my naivete or lack of maturity and you go for the gray hair?"

"Not the only thing I could say about the hair," Barba responded, not missing a beat.

"Who needs drinks to cheer you up when you can just beat up on me?" Sonny's face nearly hurt he was smiling so big. Barba smiled back. A teeth-showing smile, for just a moment, before he swallowed down the rest of his drink. 

"You want another, Counselor?"

"No," Barba answered as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

"Nah, I got these."

Barba paused a moment, considering, before slipping his wallet back in his pocket. He pushed his sleeves back down, but didn't bother buttoning them, and reached for his jacket on the back of his bar stool. 

"Thank you, Carisi."

Sonny looked at his own beer, about three-quarters of the way finished.

"Give me a sec to settle my tab and I'll walk you home."

Sonny flagged down the bartender again, signaling for the check. He almost missed Barba's raised eyebrows but they were still raised when he turned back to find the man stilled, halfway toward putting his first arm in the sleeve of his jacket. Sonny took two long, last swallows of his beer, trying to ignore Barba's clear surprise.

"That's really not necessary," Barba finally told him flatly.

"I know," Sonny responded. He nodded to the bartender as she dropped off his check. "But I'll sleep better knowing that you got home safe, okay? Humor me."

"Letting you buy me drinks, walk me home," Barba drawled as he watched Sonny sign his receipt. "I'm not usually this kind of boy. "

"Oh yeah," Sonny laughed at Barba's suddenly flirtatious tone. "What kind of boy are you?"

"Well the kind who tops, for one."

Sonny stopped breathing and his heart thudded rapidly in his chest. Barba looked at him for just a second, eyes intense and smirk promising. Sonny knew he didn't look nearly as cool, his mouth open slightly and his eyes wide. 

Before he had a chance to process, Barba slid off his stool and walked purposefully for the door. Sonny was quick to recover but he had to rush to catch up, pulling on his jacket as he went. Still, he easily reached the door in time to keep Barba from exiting first. 

"That seems unnecessarily dramatic," Barba complained as he watched Sonny's eyes sweep the immediate area. Sonny positioned himself closer to the street when Barba turned right to leave Voda.

"First, don't think for a second that I'm going to let that _topping_ comment go," Sonny responded more confidently than he felt. "Secondly, it never hurts to be careful. People get stupid on nights like tonight."

"I'll say."

"Okay, not funny," Sonny countered. "Which brings us back to the first thing. Just how drunk are you? Cause me? I'm more than interested but not if you're going to..."

"What? Hate you in the morning? Not a concern when I already hate you."

Sonny stepped quickly in front of Barba and placed a firm hand on his chest.

"I'm not fucking around. And I'm not letting you fuck me if you hate me. So now you have two questions to answer."

Sonny watched Barba's eyes closely, trying to decipher the answers there. Barba, to his credit, jutted his chin up and did not look away, nor did he try to crack a joke.

"I'm not drunk. I had one in my office much earlier this evening and you saw the end of my first drink at the bar," Barba stated haughtily. "And while you are infuriating the majority of the time," he paused and his voice turned slightly soft. "I do not hate you."

He held Sonny's gaze for a moment, no doubt watching his eyes crinkle as Sonny's smile took over his face. Barba raised an eyebrow.

"But I might make you sorry that you made me admit that," he warned darkly, but with that promising twinkle back in his eye.

Sonny felt his cock stir and his smile turned smug. Barba rolled his eyes and started to take a step but Sonny gripped his upper arms before he could walk away. 

Sonny leaned forward, slow enough that Barba could stop him, but he didn't. He met Sonny's mouth, tasting of scotch and a bit of salty sweat from his upper lip. Barba's chest felt wonderfully solid pressed against Sonny's, leaning up and into him as their mouths fit together. Sonny rubbed his hands up to Barba's shoulders and turned his head to deepen the kiss but Barba pulled away abruptly.

"Come on, _Detective_ ," Barba grumbled, voice low. "No reason to let your guard down. My building is just a block away."

He briefly pulled at Sonny's elbow to get him turned and moving. As they walked their hands brushed. Sonny did his best to restrain his excitement, willing himself not to blush, and his churning stomach to settle. 

Then he felt Barba's pointer finger deliberately reach out and drag the exact same path over his knuckles that Barba's hand had traveled on accident. Sonny's smile stretched wide and he had to employ a considerable amount of will power to keep from seizing Barba's hand in his own.

Luckily that hand pointed to the entrance of Barba's building and then retreated to the safety of his jacket pocket. Barba unlocked the door and held it open for Sonny, who hurried through to open the next door for a man leaving the building. Other than polite greetings to Barba's neighbor, the two didn't speak a word.

* * *

On the elevator, Sonny leaned against the back rail, far from the panel where Barba selected his floor. Barba rested a shoulder on the side wall and smirked. Sonny only allowed himself sneaked glances, grateful that Barba watched the progression of the twelve floors, feeling himself squirm just thinking about Barba's eyes on him.

When the doors opened at his floor, Barba put a hand in the newly open space, as though the doors might close so quickly, and he gave Sonny room to exit first. Sonny wasn't surprised by Barba's manners but he regretted them in the short moment standing outside the elevator, waiting for Barba to lead the way.

His hands fiddled with his tie and he actually scuffed his shoe along the marble floor, nervous energy getting the better of him. Barba arched an unimpressed eyebrow at him as he passed Sonny and put his key in the second door on the right.

Sonny forced himself to take a couple of calming breaths as he followed. He managed what he thought was a decent smile as Barba held the door for him. Barba's eyebrows had returned to their normal position and he eyed Sonny with interest, allowing a little more confidence in Sonny's smile.

Once in the dark apartment, Sonny remembered that he was also supposed to be providing security. Without hesitation, he found Barba's hall light, pulled out his gun, and made for the first door he saw.

"Once again, Carisi," Barba spoke into the silence, tone bored. "This bodyguard game is completely unnecessary."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Sonny agreed, shutting the closet door and continuing quickly but carefully into the open living room. He did an efficient sweep of it, the kitchen, and the small dining area, before turning to Barba, who watched with an amused expression. Before Sonny could ask, Barba cut in.

"By all means, continue. Hall bathroom, guest room, and master suite are all down that hall."

Sonny nodded, serious, and Barba laughed silently at him. Sonny ignored it, glad to have something to focus on after letting his embarrassing nerves take over for a bit.

Sonny was fast, yet thorough. And he was impressed with Barba's place. He honestly expected something slightly more elegant or luxurious. It was still more than he'd ever imagine for himself in the heart of Manhattan.

The hall bathroom wasn't a tight toilet and sink set but a spacious room with full tub and dual vanity. There were even built in storage shelves with dark linens and towels for Barba's guests. 

The guest bedroom was big enough to comfortably fit a queen bed and long dresser with a mirror but any additional furniture would have taken the room from cozy to cramped. Both pieces of furniture were dark wood, similar to what he noticed in the front rooms of the apartment, with simple lines and without carvings or metal adornments. It was masculine, stylish, and homey with light gray, textured walls and dark gray and navy bedding.

The same style continued into Barba's own bedroom. Sonny didn't allow his gaze to rest too long on the king sized bed centered against the far wall, although he easily noted the burgundy comforter and the bench upholstered in dark brown, soft leather, at the foot of the bed. There might have been a few pillows on the bed, no decorative additions, each with a slate blue pillow case, leaning against a tall, cushioned headboard with chocolate fabric.

Barba's two dressers, one long and one upright, matched the dark brown bed frame perfectly. In one corner, there was an overstuffed brown armchair, likely upholstered with the same fabric as the headboard.

The walls appeared to be a shade of gray barely lighter than the guest room. The soft contrast between the light walls versus the dark bedding and furniture had a pleasant effect. 

Barba's closet was a decent sized walk-in. If Sonny stood in the middle and stretched out his arms, his fingers barely graze the clothes or drawers. While not extravagantly large, Barba made great use of the space and even had gaps on his racks. Everything was meticulously organized, with just one pair of tennis shoes on the floor instead of on the rack with his dress shoes and only a couple of empty wooden hangers hanging on a drawer knob instead of beside the suit jackets. Sonny allowed himself one brush of his free hand through the rack of silk ties, lingering briefly on a purple floral tie that he'd never noticed Barba wear. He could have spent hours amongst Barba's clothes but he didn't even allow himself 30 seconds before turning to move towards the master bath. 

Unlike the guest bathroom, the master did not have a tub but instead a large shower with a clear glass door, a built in bench, and dual shower head. Barba's body wash and hair products were neatly arranged on a couple of dark bamboo shelves over the bench and an unobtrusive shower speaker was mounted beside the shelves. Sonny wondered what music Barba might listen to, and if he might sing along, loud and clear while he stood under the spray of the rainfall shower head.

Barba's bathroom also had a dual sink vanity but his had even more counter space than the hall bathroom. All he had out, though, was a single electric toothbrush, a mostly used tube of toothpaste, and a small bottle of hair gel. Barba's shaving supplies and any other products must have been put in one of the large drawers to the left of the far sink, where most of the extra counter space lay between the sink and the wall.

Sonny caught himself in the mirror, body wound tightly, right arm locked at about a 45 degree angle from his body, his gun an extension of his hand, and inadvertently pointed at the drawers of Barba's vanity. Sonny simultaneously stood up straight and relaxed his limbs and shoulders. He suddenly felt silly for playing bodyguard, as Barba had teased. Until he allowed the words of that dumpy cop to ring in his head again. One cop said it out loud but how many were thinking it? And how many of those were drunk and stupid tonight? He felt grateful to be in Barba's apartment. The fact that sex was also likely was certainly a bonus.

Sonny holstered his gun and headed back to the living area. "All clear," he called out on his way down the hall. He found Barba leaning back against the far kitchen counter with a glass of scotch in hand. Barba's expression was one of neutral interest as Sonny stopped in front of the dark soapstone of the tall breakfast bar. 

"Is it?" Barba asked with his eyebrows raised and a pointed look towards Sonny's hip. Sonny hadn't even realized he still had his hand on his gun. He dropped his hand, hoping for casual. Based on the amused look on Barba's face, he failed. "I'd be more comfortable if you weren't wearing that at all."

"Just the gun? Or my pants too?" Sonny joked.

"We'll get to that," Barba responded easily. He didn't seem annoyed but the smile he was fighting just a moment ago when Sonny took his hand away from his gun was no longer present. Sonny just nodded as he took off his holster and lay it on the end table in the living room behind him, opting not to set it on the breakfast bar between Barba and himself.

"Can I offer you a drink? I don't have much selection in the way of beer. Just Stella Artois."

"Uh, yeah, that'd be good. Thanks." Sonny leaned against the breakfast bar but found the height to be awkward. He started to pull out the stool but stopped himself when he realized that Barba hadn't made a move towards the refrigerator.

"Carisi."

"What?" 

The two just looked at each other for a moment. Sonny still held the stool awkwardly, with the back legs slightly off the floor, frozen from Barba's blank expression. He dropped the stool and it settled loudly onto the hardwood floor. Barba shook his head and got Sonny's beer.

"Sorry," Sonny muttered. And then with more strength to his voice, "What's up? Why'd you give me that look?"

Barba had popped the cap off Sonny's beer and carried both drinks around to Sonny's side of the breakfast bar, pushing the beer into Sonny's hand. He squinted up at Sonny, a slight shake to his head, as though he had never completely stopped shaking his head after Sonny dropped the stool. Sonny took a sip from his beer but did not break eye contact. He was about to ask what was going on again.

"I'm just trying to imagine you. At work. After we've slept together."

Sonny wanted to smile at the mention of them sleeping together but he knew better. 

"Look, I'm good at keeping a secret. You-"

"Please, Carisi. Look at you!" Barba gestured with his drink, motioning to Sonny's whole body. "You won't be able to be anything but weird about this. The first time you see me in front of everyone else after I've fucked you? You can hardly handle a lit-"

Sonny wasn't even sure how it happened. Before he knew it, he had both his drink and Barba's slammed to the breakfast bar and his hands were gripping Barba's biceps. He didn't even take a moment to appreciate how good his arms felt or how ridiculous Barba's face was, wide eyed and slightly open mouthed, words stuck in his throat. Sonny simply pushed him until his ass hit the back of the couch that separated the living room from the kitchen. 

A wall would have been better but five feet was too far away. Sonny had to be careful not to send them both tumbling over the back of the couch as he kissed Barba, but luckily, Barba had naturally spread his legs, giving him a sturdy base. Sonny pulled away, a tease ready about spread legs and topping but Sonny must have been more dazed than he realized because Barba's mouth was much quicker.

"Just because you can kiss me," Barba said, eyes lingering on Sonny's lips before dragging up to meet his eyes, "doesn't mean you can handle work. I mean, you get flustered over some innuendo and the hint of getting laid? What are you going to be like after I've actually had you?"

"Come on," Sonny started, composing himself quickly. "I'd hardly call telling someone that you want to put your cock up their ass _innuendo_. And considering this is the first time you've come on to me? Can you blame me for taking a bit to adjust to the concept?"

Sonny's hands held Barba's hips as he spoke but Barba's stroked Sonny's back, inching lower as he replied.

"At no point did I say I wanted to put my dick in anyone's ass, much less yours. I said I typically top. Thus, innuendo." Barba paused, looking Sonny up and down. His tone was teasing and he smirked as he held Sonny's gaze. His hands rubbed circles on Sonny's lower back and he pressed his hard on into Sonny's leg. "I swear, only you would argue semantics instead of focusing on getting laid."

"A, it seemed to me that you needed some convincing," Sonny relaxed a bit now that it seemed clear that Barba still intended to fuck him. He leaned into Barba and dipped his head down to press kisses just under his jaw, breathing him in and taking some nips as Barba hummed contentedly. Barba's hands came around to Sonny's front and began to undo his belt. "And B," Sonny spoke into Barba's neck, "you're arguing too."

"No, Carisi," Barba countered as he continued to Sonny's fly. "I'm not arguing. I'm right."

Sonny pulled back and rolled his eyes. He grabbed Barba's wrists and Barba automatically twisted against Sonny's thumbs, nearly slipping away. Sonny raised an impressed eyebrow but Barba glowered in response. 

"Any chance we can get naked in the bedroom instead of out here?" Sonny asked playfully. He released one wrist and started to slide his other hand into Barba's but Barba stepped around him, taking Sonny's hand with him as he led the way to the bedroom.

Sonny felt a thrill of excitement to have Barba gripping his hand, but he had to admit to himself that it didn't feel particularly intimate. It held the promise of sex, and Barba's soft skin on his large hands felt amazing, but Sonny didn't fool himself into thinking there was tenderness in his touch.

Once they crossed the threshold, Barba dropped Sonny's hand and loosened his own tie as he walked to the bench at the end of his bed. Sonny stopped walking without Barba leading him forward. Even though his feet felt cemented to the plush rug covering the hardwood floors, Sonny managed to force his hands to his tie, ripping it from his neck and starting on his shirt buttons as he watched Barba untie his shoes.

"So, um," Sonny began, voice sounding harsh to his own ears in the quiet room. Barba looked up at him, expression natural, as he pulled his first shoe off. "I got my last test results just over a month ago. I've been with one woman since being tested but just the one time. We used a condom so, uh, I should be good."

Barba just continued to look at him as he slowly removed his other shoe and both socks. He didn't seem surprised by anything Sonny had said. In fact, he seemed completely unaffected by it. Sonny didn't expect talk of STIs to be a turn on by any means but he thought Barba would have some kind of reaction. He decided he should just be pleased that Barba continued to undress.

"I've uh, been with women and men," Sonny pressed on, bending down to attend to his own shoes now that his shirt was open and he couldn't handle seeing Barba's eyes persistently on him. He felt like he was rattling off symptoms for a doctor, not trying to seduce someone. But it also felt important to have everything out in the open. "Not a lot of either. That one woman a month ago is the first one night stand I've had since I was an undergrad. And I've topped and bottomed with men." Sonny stood straight to toe off both shoes as he continued. "I uh, like the idea of um. Of bottoming ... for you."

That last confession got Barba's attention. His hands stilled at his own shirt and his eyes locked on Sonny's. A slow smirk spread on his face before he looked down to continue slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Sonny noticed that his suspenders were already off his shoulders and loose at his sides, and he felt regret that he hadn't pushed them off himself, feeling Barba's chest and arms as he did. His hands itched to undress Barba, this man he'd allowed himself to fantasize about in similar situations, and his feet finally propelled him forward.

"We'll use condoms until we can both be tested again. Not to say this will be more than a one time thing," Barba stated plainly and evenly. Sonny paused mid-stride, surprised to hear Barba speak, but continued quickly, more intent to get to him than anything else. He pulled the man up by his elbows, pulling his hands away from the hem of his shirt, as Barba continued. "I've been with men and women as well." 

Sonny took over pulling Barba's shirt from his pants and bent down to resume his path under Barba's jaw, kissing and licking and nipping. Barba hummed quietly and titled his head up. Sonny's mouth sought out the vibrations in his throat, vibrations that stopped briefly when Barba swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing along Sonny's tongue. The hint of stubble was wonderfully rough on Sonny's mouth and the salt-sweat taste had him craving more. Sonny smiled when Barba resumed speaking and the vibrations returned to his lips.

"I haven't slept with a woman since I was in law school. I top almost exclusively. And I very much like the idea of topping you."

Firm hands cupped Sonny's jaw and pulled his mouth to Barba's. Sonny kissed him eagerly and deeply and Barba's hands dropped to Sonny's waist, pushing him until his back hit the wall beside the bedroom door. As he pushed with his hands, his tongue also met Sonny's, the firm and insistent press causing Sonny to groan and let Barba take the lead. 

Barba's hands pushed up Sonny's body, pulling his undershirt out of his pants as he went. His hands felt strong and greedy against Sonny's ribs and chest before he pushed Sonny's dress shirt off his shoulders and slid the shirt off his arms, dropping to the floor behind him. 

Once his hands were free of his shirt, Sonny found the final three buttons on Barba's. The last popped off as Barba pulled his arms out of the sleeves before Sonny's fumbling fingers could release it from the buttonhole. Sonny pulled his mouth away quickly and winced when he hit his head against the wall.

"Sorry," Sonny muttered and sucked in deep breaths as Barba pulled back to look him in the eye.

"Shut up," Barba demanded. He scowled and turned away from Sonny, undoing his own fly as he walked back towards the bed. Sonny had a moment's irrational fear that he was going to call things off until Barba paused to push down his pants and underwear on his way around the bed. 

He couldn't see much of Barba's ass with the tail of his dress shirt in the way but he must have been too distracted catching a glimpse because he hardly noticed Barba shuffling through the top drawer of his nightstand. If the promise of his ass was distracting, that was nothing compared to the reality of Barba's impressive dick when he turned back around. Sonny had only succeed in pulling his zipper the rest of the way down in the time it took Barba to return with a bottle of lube.

Before Sonny could catch up, Barba's hands took over again, yanked Sonny's pants down and dropped to his knees with them. Sonny's breath caught in his throat as he looked down at Barba. He felt dizzy as Barba pulled the waistband of his boxers away from his body so he could lower them past his dick. In all of his fantasies, he never dreamed of Barba on his knees before him. It seemed like the last thing the ADA would ever do.

Barba took a good look at Sonny's hard cock and heavy balls while he slowly pulled on the boxers until the elastic band finally snapped passed Sonny's ass. Sonny felt practically useless as Barba lifted his feet one at a time to pull off his socks, pants, and boxers. Now that it seemed like he might suck Sonny, time slowed down and Sonny's breathing sped up. Barba rubbed his hands from Sonny's ankles all the way up his legs at a snail's pace but Sonny could hardly complain about the firm press against his skin or the sensation as Barba squeezed the sensitive skin high on his inner thighs.

Without laying a hand on his cock or balls, Barba dipped his mouth to the head of Sonny's dick and sucked gently, pressing his tongue into the slit. Sonny twitched in his mouth and Barba dragged his eyes up, actually smirking as he locked eyes with Sonny and then moved his mouth down until his nose rubbed against Sonny's pubes. Sonny clenched his fists, desperate to grab hold of Barba's hair, or even his shoulders, but ultimately paralyzed at the thought of an causing a premature end to a promising blow job.

Barba's hands roamed from his thighs to squeeze at his hips while he slowly and deeply bobbed up and down Sonny's cock. Sonny's eyes locked on Barba's mouth until he dragged his blunt nails from his hips up and under his shirt, the gentle tickle causing his ab muscles to flutter and his dick jump again.

"Fuck."

"You're not going to come already, are you?"

"Damn, you are always so fucking cocky."

Barba just smirked and stroked Sonny lazily, his spit easing the way, all while picking up and uncapping the lube with this other hand.

"I'm a little busy here, Detective. Make yourself useful and finish disrobing."

Sonny rolled his eyes, annoyed that being bossed around by Barba was just as fun, and as much of a turn on, in this context as it was at work.

Barba alternated between gentle strokes and lazy blows while Sonny took off both shirts at once. Barba murmured something about "eager" but put a well lubed finger in his ass at the same time. As he continued to blow Sonny, Barba started jerking himself when he slide in his second finger. Sonny's eyes rolled back, hardly believing how lucky he was, and he cursed the second he lost to view this beautiful moment. A moment he knew he had to cut short so that he could come with that dick in his ass.

"Fuck, Barba. I can't believe I'm telling you to stop blowing me but we gotta get a condom and get this show on the road."

Barba dragged his mouth up Sonny's shaft and ducked down to mouth briefly at Sonny's balls.

"You're not ready."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to come yet so let's finish prepping on the bed. How do ya-"

"Hands and knees," Barbe interjected smoothly as he gripped Sonny's hips for support while he stood.

"Yeah, yeah, okay."

Sonny hooked his hands behind Barba's elbows to help pull him up the rest of the way and he suppressed any commentary when Barba took a little extra time completely straightening his legs. If he ever wound up in Barba's bedroom again, he didn't want to ruin his chances of seeing Barba on his knees again.

Barba smirked at him, the glint in his eyes suggested he knew that Sonny was on his best behavior. He kissed Sonny deeply, perhaps a reward for his efforts. Sonny deepened the kiss and slowly pushed Barba's open dress shirt even more open, hands following the path they missed when Barba took care of his own suspenders. 

The second the shirt dropped to the ground Barba pulled away and gripped Sonny's hips. If he hadn't been on the verge of coming moments ago, Sonny might have been embarrassed by how easily he was lead to the bed. Barba only had to guide him in the direction but to an onlooker, it might seem as though Barba had thrown him on the bed for how quickly a tug at the hips and a push to the lower back launched Sonny into position.

Barba chuckled and Sonny looked under his arm to watch him bend to pick up the lube and condom left by the wall.

"I want to be sure you're ready, Carisi," Barba dropped the supplies by Sonny's knee and grabbed hold of Sonny's ankles when he crawled onto the bed behind him, and then moved one hand to his hip while he situated himself between Sonny's legs. Apparently Sonny needed to be situated as well and the hand still on his ankle roughly pulled his legs open a few more inches.

Sonny grunted and leaned forward onto his elbows.

"That's it, get comfortable," Barba's voice was soothing and Sonny dropped his head, feeling a pleasant stretch from his spine through his neck. Barba ran his hands along Sonny's back as though he could feel the stretch with his hands and Sonny almost wished they could indulge in a massage before they got to business. "Good, that's good. Now, as I was saying, you need to tell me when you're ready. I'm not going to pu -- yes, Detective?" Sonny had shifted his weight to one elbow and was motioning with his free hand, clearly indicating that Barba should get on with it. 

He pressed his motioning hand into the mattress to prop himself up and he looked over his shoulder at Barba. He'd never heard Barba so calm when interrupted and the tone confused him, especially to have "Detective" thrown in, a word often dripping with condescension when Barba directed it at him. But Barba's face was just as patient as his voice, his body language relaxed as he leaned back on his heels between Sonny's legs.

It was all incredibly surreal.

"Look, _Counselor_ ," Sonny drawled, pulling a barely-there loopsided smirk to the corner of Barba's mouth, "Please put your fingers back in me. I appreciate you taking your time and being careful but you can explain that to me while opening me up, right?"

Barba smiled as Sonny spoke, and he spread more lube on his fingers.

"Again," Barba began and pushed two fingers in as he did, "as I was saying, I'm not going to push you - " he punctuated his words with a particularly rough twist of his wrist, causing Sonny to curse but rock back in appreciation, " - even if we move to another step -"

" - another step? Your dick is big, Barba, but even so … I'm hoping this is a two step process. Step 1, fingers. Step 2, cock."

Barba sighed and, though Sonny now looked at Barba's headboard instead of over his shoulder, Sonny could practically feel the other man's eyes rolling.

"For someone who was scared to touch me while I sucked him, you've sure turned into a mouthy bottom."

Barba didn't give Sonny a chance to worry that his mouth might end the night early. He pushed a third finger in to the knuckle while the first two fingers were still deep in Sonny. Sonny continued to rock against the pressure, enjoying the gentle burn.

"In all seriousness, Carisi," Barba's voice was more sober than it had been all night and Sonny stilled reflexively. "You clearly don't have a problem asking for more but if we need to pull back, if we need to go back to fingers, if you need more lube, anything like that … just don't hesitate to say so."

Sonny was touched but more than anything, he was turned on. He pushed back so far, arms stretched in front of him and under Barba's pillows, shoulders pushing into the mattress, that his ass hit Barba's thighs. Barba's third finger was now deeper, to the second knuckle, but his other two fingers pulled out some when he shifted against Sonny's stretch. Sonny whined, wanting Barba deeper. Barba gripped his hip with his free hand and pushed him forward again.

"Is it possible that someone so accomplished in so many areas needs a simple geometry lesson?" Barba teased softly. "The angle is all wrong when you push back that far. Not that I don't appreciate the enthusiasm."

Sonny's groan turned into a moan in time with Barba's slow push, all three fingers fully inside him. Barba sat there, with his fingers pulsing slightly apart to stretch Sonny further, before he resumed pumping, his pace lazy and deliberate. Sonny hips began to rock yet again, though not nearly as far, and Barba loosened his grip on Sonny's hip to allow the motion.

"That's it, now you're working with me." If Sonny didn't know any better, he'd say that Barba was practically purring, but he easily attributed it to his own lust filled hopes. Barba shifted behind him so that he straddled one of Sonny's legs and he rubbed his free hand up and down Sonny's back again.

"What do you think, another finger? Or you ready for my cock?" Barba punctuated the question with a gentle thrust against Sonny's thigh, the weight of his erection almost a shock in comparison to the slight movement.

"Another, ah -," Sonny sucked in a breath when Barba dragged the pad of one finger along his prostate, having avoided it until now. "Fuck. Ah."

"Yes, I concur," Barba answered conversationally. It was driving Sonny crazy, that calm voice, as he applied more pressure to his prostate one more time before pulling his hand completely out. "I want this sweet ass stretched and ready for me."

"Then the why the fuck did you take your fingers out?"

The soft click of the lube being opened answered him.

"Oh, s-"

"Do not apologize," Barba laughed, cocky again. "Who in their right mind would be upset to have such an eager partner?"

"If you're not complaining, then why are you taking so long?"

Barba just hummed and thrust two freshly lubed fingers back in, quickly followed by a third. Sonny expected the fingers to pinch together to make room for the pinky but instead, he felt Barba's other hand pull one of his cheek's slightly before the second index finger began to push in underneath the three fingers from Barba's left hand.

"Unng."

"You okay?" Barba stopped, again with the new finger in just to one knuckle.

"Aah, yeah, ung, that's a good noise. Just - ah - a little surprised."

"Hm, okay. That's good to know. Since I'm not familiar with your noises, I'll keep asking. But you're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I, uh -" Sonny shifted and beared down, pulling Barba's fingers further inside by a fraction of an inch.

"Fuck."

It was the most breathless Sonny had heard him yet and he wanted to recreate it but a light bite to the curve of his ass pushed all thought from his mind.

"You 'uh', what?" Barba asked, somehow eloquent even when mimicking Sonny's noises. Sonny had no idea what he was asking until he felt Barba's fourth finger slide even with the other three, almost fully inside.

"I, ung, I was expecting your pinky. Not your other - ah, ah - index finger."

That other index finger had found Sonny's prostate and all 4 fingers flexed and relaxed inside him. Barba just chuckled and started rocking his entire body behind Sonny. His fingers remained gentle but persistent and his cock left sticky pre-come along Sonny's upper thigh as it grazed across him with the slow motions. Sonny swayed his own hips and felt his shoulders naturally rotate slightly forwards and backwards with him too. Sweat beaded and rolled down his back. His nerves fought between screaming for more and never wanting the pleasant, lazy stretching and hypnotic pulsing to end.

"Talk to me, Carisi. You ready for me?"

Sonny groaned at Barba's deep voice and hot breath ghosting over his ass. He looked over his shoulder and could only see the man's dark eyes from around his own hip. His head dropped down to his forearm, both slick with sweat, too disappointed that he couldn't get a better look to even notice how quickly his head slid from his arm and onto the mattress.

"Yeah, I'm past ready."

Barba pulled out his fingers and lube rolled out with it, down Sonny's taint. Sonny focused on the strange but welcome sensation while he distantly heard Barba open the condom and roll it down his dick. Another click and squirt from the bottle of lube, and a soft thwacking sound shifted his focus to picturing Barba stroking himself just as he had done briefly while sucking Sonny.

Sonny didn't even realize he'd groaned until he heard Barba chuckle. 

"So impatient," he muttered quietly. 

Sonny answered by arching his back and angling his hips higher. He startled slightly when Barba bit his other ass cheek while he shifted between Sonny's knees, spreading them further apart in the process. Barba gently pulled his hips down slightly and Sonny felt the slick, blunt head of Barba's dick just below his hole before sliding up and barely in. Barba paused only briefly before he slowly pushed his way past the loosened muscle until his balls nudged against Sonny's ass and he shifted his hips from side to side, as though he was trying to open Sonny even more.

"Detective, I can slow down at any time," Barba panted, clearly trying for calm. "But would you be opp - Can I fuck you hard and fast?"

"God, yes, now," he breathed, hardly audible.

"I'm sorry, Detective?" Barba teased while he reached forward to pull Sonny's shoulder, pushing him yet further into Sonny's ass. His voice was strained but he, as usual, held the upper hand. "Hard and fast or do you need more time before slow and shallow?"

Sonny wanted to tease back but he'd waited long enough. "Hard and fast and now," Sonny answered clearly and with much more force.

"That's what I thought."

Barba didn't pull out nearly as much as Sonny expected before thrusting back in but the pace was quick as promised and he pulled out to the head on subsequent thrusts. Sonny tried to meet him and pushed himself up with his hands underneath him to get back on all fours for the first time since Barba pushed a third finger inside him. 

Barba took advantage by running his hands along Sonny's ribs, almost tickling if not for Barba changing his angle and rubbing past Sonny's prostate with each thrust. Sonny quivered under the sensations and grunted with the force of Barba's motions and attempts to hold his position. 

"That's it, let me hear you," Barba encouraged and he ran his right hand to Sonny's stomach, his nails scraping there again before gripping Sonny's bobbing cock.

"Ugh, fuck," Sonny gritted out. "Who knew, you - fff- fuck - Counselor, would be demanding to hear mmm- God yes - more from me."

Barba actually laughed at that, quiet but deep. For once he didn't seem to have a comeback as he matched his strokes to his fast and long thrusts. Sonny rewarded him by letting go and allowing moans and groans to fall easily from his lips. 

Before long, Sonny's arms started to shake and he couldn't hold himself up anymore. He stretched forward again with his ass in the air. Even though he'd been in this same position the majority of the time that Barba prepped him, he felt even more vulnerable like this with Barba's cock deep inside him and his hand pulling him closer and closer to orgasm. 

"God, I'm gonna - fuck," Sonny started. Barba squeezed the base of his cock briefly before working him even more intentionally, twisting his wrist on each upstroke. "Gggnnnngh!"

"Fuck yeah, let go, come on, Carisi," Barba panted, his hips snapping. Sonny spilled over his hand and onto his burgundy comforter. He revelled in the feeling of Barba fucking him hard while he came, loving the stretch in his ass and the pressure along his prostate. It felt like Barba's dick was forcing him to keep coming and coming, until he was suddenly spent and sensitive. He hissed through two last strokes, mercifully slick with the aid of his own come.

Even more mercifully, Barba switched his grip from cock to ass and he pulled Sonny's cheeks further apart, somehow thrusting even harder than before.

"Look at you, fuck, Carisi," Barba gritted out. "Feel so good. Take it so fucking good."

Inexplicably, Sonny felt hotter than before and he knew he was blushing at those words while he took everything that Barba had to give him. He had to focus through his post-orgasm fog to keep his hips in the air while Barba pounded into him over and over. His cock twitched slightly as an image of himself flitted across his closed eyelids: prone and stretched out, from his arms in front of him, through his used hole taking Barba's impressive dick. 

Sonny moaned and Barba squeezed his ass harder and added his own groans to Sonny's. Sonny imagined that Barba must be watching his dick fuck into him, he kept pulling his cheeks apart again every time Sonny's cheeks momentarily slid out of Barba's grip. It was so hot, though on the verge of mortifying, to know that Barba was looking at him in this position, getting off to fucking him, perhaps getting off to Sonny being so vulnerable to him.

Barba snapped his hips against Sonny three more times, his balls slapping against Sonny's open cheeks, and then he went still, holding himself flush against Sonny. He slid his hands up the curve of Sonny's ass and down his back, Barba's chest followed and lowered heavy over him. Sonny felt Barba's cock twitching deep inside him, spilling into the condom. Barba groaned deeply, his hot breath cooling Sonny's sweat slick shoulder. 

Sonny hummed along with Barba's groans, it felt like he was inadvertently trying to harmonize with him and the vibrations from both their chests felt soothing even while his thighs burned from Barba's weight after the sustained time meeting Barba's thrusts. Before either were ready, Sonny's knees slid out from under him and he collapsed to the bed. Barba's dick fell from his ass with a lewd pop but he impressed Sonny by dropping to Sonny's side instead of allowing his full weight to land on top of him.

"Fuck," Barba breathed first, face down but head pointed towards Sonny. Sonny rolled to his side to look at Barba but he tried to play for casual with a lazy stretch and stifled yawn. Barba raised his eyebrows at him. "I'm not sure if I should be proud because I wore you out or insulted because you're bored."

Sonny laughed and actively kept his fingers from reaching out to the other man. "' _Bored_ ' is just about the last word I'd use to describe tonight."

Barba's answering smirk looked squashed with half his face on the comforter. Suddenly, he rolled the opposite way and swung his feet off the bed. Sonny listened as he took the condom off, tied it, and presumably tossed it in a trash can by his night stand. He forced himself into a sitting position just as Barba threw back the covers and slid between the sheets.

"I'll get out of your hair, just gonna -"

"Carisi," Barba's tired voice stopped Sonny's feet from reaching the floor and he looked over his shoulder. "Even if I had a problem with you in my bed, I'd be far too tired to do anything about it. Lie down. So long as you can let me sleep for the next hour or so."

Sonny smiled and stood from the bed. "I'll at least get the lights." 

Barba grunted in response. Sonny's muscles felt pleasantly sore as he walked to the light switch and back. The lights from Barba's living space seeped into the room even after he pushed the door mostly closed but Sonny didn't have the energy to deal with those lights now that Barba had given him permission to stay. He settled between the soft, slate blue sheets with a good few feet between himself and Barba.

Sonny was bone tired but multiple emotions and thoughts flitted through his head before falling asleep, mostly pleasant surprise not to be kicked out of Barba's bed, and that Barba didn't clean up before going to bed. He wondered if the other man would really only sleep an hour. The digital clock on the nightstand told him it was already 12:15. He only hoped that he woke up before Barba did.

* * *

Less than two hours later, Sonny was up and gathering his clothes. Luckily, he found his pants quickly, along with his phone. He didn't want the full flash light to wake Barba so he just turned the screen on to find the rest of his clothing. Barba only stirred once, when Sonny dropped a shoe, but he seemed to settle easily back into deep sleep.

Once he found his last sock, Sonny carried the pile of clothes out of the room and pulled the door completely closed behind him. He dressed quickly in the living room, replaying moments from the night before as he did. Barba's mouth on him, Barba's words making him blush, Barba's dick on his thigh, in his ass. 

He also replayed Barba's worries of when they next saw each other at work. He understood the concern. He stood from tying his shoes and had a moment's crazy thought of hanging around to make breakfast for Barba. He scoffed at himself. Barba would read that as Sonny making this into something bigger than it was. It'd be the last thing to put Barba's mind at ease.

So instead, Sonny changed the filter in Barba's coffee maker and prepped it for a fresh brew. He noticed that Barba's machine had a timer but it only had one programmed time. Maybe Barba did get up at 6am even on weekends but he had his doubts so instead he just left a note:

_Had fun last night. Coffee's ready to brew.  
Hope you slept well and you enjoy your weekend!_

Sonny spent a few minutes wondering how to sign the note. He'd never slept with someone who referred to him as anything other than Sonny. And signing _Carisi_ felt colder than he authentically pull off right now, even in a note. Initials didn't work either because he couldn't decide which ones, SC, DC, DSC, DSCJ. It was too much so he opted for no signature at all, lay the note beside the coffee maker, and slipped out, glad that Barba's door had a lock on the knob in addition to a deadbolt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra thanks to [ofsaltandmoon](https://twitter.com/ofsaltandmoon) for answering a couple legal questions two years ago when I was working on this chapter the first time. Any legal stuff that's correct is from her, anything wrong is just me guessing and/or manipulating to make the story work. And, again, thank you, [Natalie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/italiandoll), for being such a great beta and sounding board! I appreciate you more than you know ❤️
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael worries about patching things up with Liv and about seeing Carisi again for the first time since they had sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta, [Italian Doll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/italiandoll), once again for her vital help with this story ❤️ All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> * * *
> 
> There's a [deleted scene](https://vimeo.com/146133503) that the writer's room puts with 17x09, Depravity Standard, but I can't imagine Liv and Rafael not seeing each other from August 21st through early November. It also doesn't work for my story for Rafael to be away from the squad for that extended period of time. So I'm pretending that they were texting during 17x06 (Maternal Instincts) and that they see each other for the first time between 17x06 and 17x07 (Patrimonial Burden), when the deleted scene takes place for the purposes of this verse. Yes, they'll have "spoken" via text before the deleted scene but it's canon that they're in touch prior to 17x09 so I'm assuming that "spoken" in the context of the deleted scene means face-to-face.
> 
> While the timeline of this chapter starts at the beginning of 17x06 through a few weeks after 17x07, only the beginning of it overlaps with 17x06 and there's no overlap for 17x07. Chapter 3 also won't be an episode tag, per se, but it'll take place after 17x08 (Melancholy Pursuit). Chapter 4 will pick back up with 17x09.

**Tuesday, August 25, 2015 - Maternal Instincts**

* * *

_Benson: Everyone missed you at at Rollins' baby shower last night. I hear you're taking a vacation?_

It was the first time Rafael had heard from Liv since she testified at the Grand Jury. He was honestly surprised to hear from her at all, especially in the context of the baby shower. Rollins invited him long before Terrance Reynolds and he'd sent his regrets immediately, along with a gift from her registry, with the excuse of a family gathering. He was glad that Amanda accepted the excuse easily and that Liv didn't ask about it now, since the supposed gathering included only Rafael, his mother, and take out at her apartment.

_Sorry to have missed. And yes, going to Long Island after work tomorrow for an extended long weekend. I'll be back at the office next Wed_

Rafael set his phone down and turned his attention back to the emails on his laptop. He'd spent enough time over the weekend and last night wondering how he and Liv would get past the indictments. He had too much he needed to do before leaving tomorrow to give it more thought during work hours. He was glad that she had texted, and that he confirmed his vacation with her. Even though there were plenty of other ADAs who worked SVU cases, he didn't like the idea of leaving without notice.

_Benson: Extended long weekend? That what we're calling a week off these days? It's not even overlapping with Labor Day._

Rafael smiled, relieved that Liv seemed willing to get back to normal instead of hashing out last week's Grand Jury.

_It's also not a full week. You know lawyers use language to our benefit_

"Mr. Barba," Carmen's voice called from the intercom. "ADA Caliay is on line one."

Rafael reached over to pick up the phone as he pressed the intercom button. "Thank you, Carmen. I've got it."

* * *

_Dodds: Who's taking new SVU cases while you're on vacation?_

The text came in shortly after noon. Rafael had a moment's confusion that Deputy Chief Dodds would be asking about hypothetical SVU cases, until he remembered that his son was scheduled to start that very day. 

He had no reason not to tell Dodds but he wouldn't share more than he had to.

_Caliay_

Rafael tapped his phone against his desk in thought. No reason to get paranoid or to make Liv worry but he could at least inquire about her new sergeant.

_How's it going with Sgt Dodds? Everyone respecting toes, lines, pecking order, etc?_

Rafael got a call from a defense attorney about an upcoming appeal and a few emails that he had to follow up on quickly so he didn't even notice that Liv hadn't responded, until she finally did over five hours later.

_Benson: About as you'd expect first day. Case is complicated, though. You lucked out._

Rafael sucked on his lips and made a quick decision.

_DCOP asked about who'd be taking any new cases while I'm out_

_Caliay can handle whatever you throw at her_

Rafael checked the news while he awaited her response, curious if the complicated case was also high profile enough for reporters to have picked it up already.

_Benson: Good to know._

His brief search didn't give him any clues. Based on the initial delay and vague responses, he knew that Liv was far too busy to go into it with him. 

He thought for a moment about reaching out to Carisi but he'd never done that before, and certainly not about a case he wasn't going to take. He wasn't going to start texting him just because they'd fucked a few days ago. 

Maybe he would have under different conditions. Maybe if he didn't know their new case was complicated. Maybe if the squad didn't have a new sergeant who must be complicating things further. It didn't feel right to bother the detective under these circumstances, just to soothe any worries he had about sleeping with a co-worker. 

He only hoped that waiting too long to be in touch wouldn't result in Carisi acting even weirder when they did see each other again.

* * *

**Wednesday, September 2, 2015 - Between episodes 17.06 & 17.07**

[Deleted Scene](https://vimeo.com/146133503)

* * *

**_"I worry about that every night."_ **

Rafael dropped his head and walked back to his desk.

"If they're smart," Rafael started and then looked Liv square in the eye, "and if we're lucky, they'll take a plea. The DA will be fair."

He gestured for Liv to take a seat across from him as he sat down himself.

"Any idea who will take the case if there's no plea?" Liv asked quietly, accepting his invitation.

Rafael shook his head once, "I just know it won't be me. I guess they want to spread the stink of this one around a bit."

Liv snorted. The two considered each other for a moment, neither breaking eye contact.

"I'm guessing you're not just here to ask about the Reynolds case?"

"No," Liv sighed. She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. "I was actually hoping to set up a meeting. We're currently between cases. Thought you should stop by to meet Sergeant Dodds, sooner than later."

"Must I?" Rafael asked with an inclined head. Liv smirked.

"You must," she responded with a slow nod. "And honestly, he's a good cop and a hard worker. Normal growing pains of fitting in with the squad, learning our … ways. But he's getting there."

"Any reason why you think it matters that I meet him before I work a case he's on?"

"Professional courtesy."

"To whom? Sergeant Dodds or Deputy Chief Dodds?"

"Come on, Barba. Maybe I want to take a vacation sometime, hm? It'd be nice if you'd have met my second in command."

"A vacation? Is that a promise?" They shared a smirk and Liv made a motion as though to brush him off. "Fine, fine. I'll come by. Tomorrow morning work for you?" He turned to his laptop and scrolled through his schedule. "I could meet him after my ten am."

"That'd be great. See you at the precinct around eleven. Text me before you come to make sure we're there."

"Fan-tastic," Rafael drawled.

* * *

**Thursday, September 3, 2015**

* * *

Rafael's ten o'clock only lasted twenty minutes before Kressler agreed on a deal. He went ahead and texted Liv right away to see if they were available but Sgt. Dodds was at a meeting away from the precinct. She promised to let him know when he was on his way back.

There was plenty for Rafael to work on in the interim but his mind went immediately to the same thoughts he had after work yesterday, and first thing this morning. And, if he was honest, multiple times over the last couple of weeks. 

He was worried about seeing Carisi again.

More to the point, he was worried about how Carisi would behave in front of their colleagues. The more time that passed, the more wound up he imagined Carisi was likely to be.

He had considered giving Carisi a head's up about today's meeting. A casual text message just to let him know he'd be at the precinct. He'd never done that before, though. Even if he wrote it snarky, would it come across as though he was turning this into a bigger event than it was? Or worse, would the warning just give Carisi's nerves more time to get the best of him? Maybe catching Carisi off guard was the better option. No time for Carisi to rehearse and second guess and draw attention by fumbling all over himself.

Even texting him now would be a bad idea. 

Besides, maybe Carisi had overheard Liv and Dodds talk about the meeting. If he found out that way, he'd be prepared without getting a weird and unprecedented warning from Rafael. If only Rafael knew if Liv and Dodds discussed it in front of Carisi.

_Buzz_

Rafael started at the noise and quickly picked up his phone. This was ridiculous.

_Benson: Dodds will be here in ten._

10:41am

Rafael needed to calm down. Clearly, waiting this long had been a mistake but now, he just needed to get it over with.

_On my way_

* * *

Rafael placed his briefcase on the floor of the precinct elevator to button his suit jacket. After he picked up his briefcase back up, he immediately put it under an arm so he could straighten his tie. The elevator dinged as the doors opened and he had to catch his briefcase with both hands when it slide out from under his arm.

He took one deep breath and strode on SVU's floor with the purpose and confidence of a man who'd been there thousands of times, who'd helped SVU win more cases than not.

He rounded the corner and saw a now familiar sight: Rollins, the only detective at her desk.

"Detective," he called with a slight smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Hello, Counselor," she responded slowly, suspicious. "What has you in such a good mood?"

"What?" Rafael consciously shifted his smile to a smirk. "This is my normal demeanor when I've gotten a decent break from this place." 

"Yeah. Right," she said with a roll of her eyes. 

He kept his body positioned towards Rollins' desk and turned his head towards Liv's closed door briefly before raising his eyebrows at Rollins. "So … you getting along okay?"

"Oh dear lord, not you too?"

"Excuse me?"

"You never ask how I am, Barba. Don't start now just because I'm pregnant."

"Rollins, please," he scoffed. "This is called small talk. You're the only one in the bullpen and Liv's door is closed."

Rollins' mouth opened in a surprised, silent "Oh" while he talked. "Ah, sorry," she responded, though she hardly sounded like it. "I've been going crazy on desk duty and everyone's coddling has gotten to me."

"I can see that," Rafael muttered quietly.

"Watch it, Barba," she warned. He just smirked back.

"Where is everyone, anyway?"

"Liv asked Dodds in for some call. I'm sure they'll be done soon. And you just missed Fin and Carisi. They went to get lunch."

"Ah, see, coddling isn't so bad when you get food out of it, hm?" Rafael sat in Tutuola's chair at the desk across from her.

"Talk to me when you're seven months pregnant and not allowed to do anything fun."

"You have my word," he responded distractedly as he typed out a text to let Liv know he was waiting for her. 

"Very funny."

Rafael gave her a quick smile and started scrolling through the _New York Times_ headlines.

* * *

The introduction was mercifully short, thanks to Liv getting a call from a victim in a case set to go to court with Caliay. Dodds walked Rafael out of her office, yammering on about some training that his dad suggested for him. The Sergeant had started the meeting by talking about his father and now he ended the meeting in the same vein. Rafael was already less than impressed.

"Counselor," a warm voice called the moment Dodds stopped speaking. "How was your vacation?"

Impressed or not, Dodds had distracted Rafael from his worries over Carisi. A quick look at the detective soothed those worries before they had a chance to truly resurface. Carisi was perched on the front of his desk with his feet on a chair that is usually reserved for witnesses and persons of interest. He was leaning forward as though he'd been chatting with Rollins. Rollins was pulling styrofoam containers out of a plastic bag, not the least bit interested in Rafael's response.

No one was. Dodds was walking to his desk. Tutuola wasn't in sight. Even Carisi didn't seem overly invested. He looked as relaxed as ever, with the typical underlying energy that always seemed to be waiting just below the surface.

"It was good, Detective. Quiet. Unlike my usual reality."

He waited a few feet outside of Liv's office, just a beat, to watch Carisi's half smile and the bounce of his head. His nonverbal version of a "yeah, yeah, yeah," response. Rafael suppressed a smirk and turned his head towards Dodds.

"It was nice meeting you, Sergeant," he said as started for the elevator, eyes roving over to Rollins as she bit into the leg of fried chicken. "Detectives. _Bon appétit_."

He didn't wait around for their reactions but he didn't have to. Carisi's laugh was quick, and Rollins' retort was predictable: "I'm eating for two here, Barba," she called after him, mouth clearly still full.

* * *

**Friday, September 25, 2015 - Between episodes 17.07 & 17.08**

* * *

Rafael was busy with appeals and paperwork over the next few weeks. He texted with Liv about a couple of their investigations and he helped with a handful of warrants but his court schedule didn't allow him to take the cases.

Shortly after 6pm, Rafael packed his briefcase with extra work for over the weekend and he was about to pocket his phone when he realized he had missed a text from Liv.

_Benson: Squad's getting a drink at the tap room. Come be social._

Rafael stood at his desk, briefcase in one hand and phone held loosely in the other, as he considered the invitation, or rather, the demand. He was tempted. He'd been working hard and keeping to himself over the last month. He'd seen various members of the squad in passing, here and there. It appeared that the Reynolds case was behind them. It'd be good to see them out of work in a more casual setting.

_I'll be there in 15_

Rafael pulled up his Uber app to request a car and he grabbed his trench coat on his way out the door.

* * *

On the ride over Rafael scrolled through some emails from earlier in the day. He couldn't focus on any of them. His mind wandered to Carisi, as it had been off and on since Rafael's first meeting with Dodds. The detective had been perfectly normal and he'd behaved similarly the couple of other times their paths had crossed in the following weeks. 

No longer worrying that Carisi would give them away in the most mortifying fashion possible had allowed Rafael to finally enjoy the memory of their night together. How Carisi blushed at any innuendo or slight touch while also meeting Rafael's teases head on. How he surprised Rafael by showing a backbone when Rafael underestimated him. How predictable he was in his enthusiasm and desire to please.

It had been the most fun Rafael had in a long time. 

The aftermath, or the obsessing over the aftermath, had made him wonder if it had been worth it. With that concern behind him, though, Rafael often found himself calculating the risks and rewards of going for round two.

He didn't want to force anything, and certainly not tonight. Tonight, he wanted to buy some drinks for the squad and get his mind off work.

* * *

"I'm glad you came out, Barba," Liv said as she slid onto the barstool beside him.

"How could I refuse such a gracious invitation?" Rafael snarked.

They were all finishing up their first round together at a long high top in the corner. Rafael was at the bar to take his turn buying before anyone else beat him to it, and before Liv had a chance to call it a night.

"We both know you've turned down much more formal invitations," Liv said with a laugh.

"Not from anyone who was armed."

Liv barked out a laugh. He turned to watch her face light up, his own smile growing. He had missed her. When they weren't stressed and pulled in different directions, it was so easy to fall back into their friendly banter.

"Rollins is armed more often than I am and you turned down her _mailed_ invitation to her baby shower."

"They don't serve alcohol at baby sho-"

"Mrs. Rollins loves champagne."

"You're kidding?" Liv shook her head with a chuckle. "Well, I'll owe Rollins another gift and a few beers whenever - she," he waved his hand awkwardly. "Is finished with the, uh, baby - stuff."

"It's called breastfeeding, Barba."

"Oh, yes, right. That's the term I was looking for. Anyway, you know babies, and baby showers, aren't really my thing."

"I know," she replied with an easy nod. "And I don't blame you for not going. I'm just glad you're out tonight."

"Me too," he admitted with smile. He started picking up a couple of the glasses and the beer bottle that the bartender set in front of them.

"And I've missed giving you shit lately." She clapped him on the shoulder, picked up the other three drinks, and turned back to their table. He snorted and followed after her.

* * *

The rest of the evening was quiet but enjoyable. Rafael mostly observed but he threw in a smartass comment here and there. He found that Dodds wasn't as irritating after he stopped talking about Deputy Chief Dodds and once he got some alcohol in his system. 

Rollins, on the other hand, was more irritable since she couldn't drink. Or perhaps it was pregnancy related discomfort. Either way, her mood changed when Tutuola charmed his way to free wings for his "pregnant DD." 

And Carisi sat there showing off his dimples the entire time. Rafael found it was harder not to stare the longer the night wore on.

"I'm goin-"

"I need to-"

Rollins and Liv started at the same time.

"She needs to relieve Lucy," Rollins said pointing to Liv.

"And she's going to head home to Franny," Liv finished for Rollins.

"And I'm going to let Amanda earn those wings and give me a ride home," Tutuola said, helping her off the stool.

"Cause they really hurt your wallet," Rollins said, rolling her eyes.

Tutuola just smirked in response.

"Gentlemen," Dodds said, looking to Carisi and Rafael. "How about I buy one more round?"

Rafael glanced at Carisi before responding, "Thank you, Sergeant, but I should call it a night after I finish this." He gestured toward his Scotch. He'd only had a couple sips of the generous pour so he didn't leave when Liv and the others waved their goodbyes.

"Carisi?" Dodds prompted.

"Sure, Sarge, I'll have one more beer, thanks."

Dodds lifted his bottle in salute before draining the rest of his beer as he pushed away from the table and made his way to the bar.

Carisi ducked his head and looked at Rafael through his eyelashes. It was the first time that night that he'd given any indication of sexual tension, or really any direct attention to Rafael. It made Rafael want to run his foot up the inside of Carisi's leg and rest at his crotch. Dodds was too close and Rafael hadn't had enough to drink to risk it.

"So, Detective?" Rafael asked as he gestured to Carisi's drink. "I'm guessing you're not studying tonight."

"Nah," he responded, a blush settling across his cheeks. "I should have plenty of time to get work done over the weekend."

Rafael looked at Carisi closely. The blush could easily be explained by the warmth of the bar in combination with the alcohol. The detective had proven that he could hold it together in front of their co-workers. He could easily text his invitation but it would be so much more fun to see him squirm, especially since the likelihood of rising suspicion in Dodds was low.

He checked over his shoulder to be sure. Dodds was talking to the bartender, just placing the drink order by the looks of it. 

"Do you remember where I live, Carisi?" Rafael asked over the lip of his drink before finishing it off.

Carisi's eyes snapped up to his. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I remember."

"Good." Rafael put his glass down and stood up and put his jacket on. "Come over when you finish with Dodds."

"Yeah?" Carisi answered, breathless.

"Yes," Rafael responded with a smirk. He placed his trench coat over his arm at the same time Dodds approached them.

"Will you be able to get home alright, Counselor?" Dodds asked politely.

"I should be able to manage the Uber," Rafael answered, without much bite.

"Call if it turns out you can't," Carisi joked.

"Goodnight, gentlemen."

He opened his phone up to request an Uber as he walked to the door and he saw that he had another missed text.

_Blocked Number: son a bitch laywrs beter hope cops alwys have there back_

* * *

Rafael had waited for his Uber from inside the bar, but out of sight of Carisi and Dodds. Luckily, his car arrived quickly and by the time he locked his deadbolt from inside his apartment, he felt a little silly that he let one clearly drunken harassment text cause so much anxiety. 

When his phone vibrated while pouring himself a scotch, he didn't hesitate to pick up it up, confident that it'd be a message from Carisi. He smirked when he was proven right.

_Carisi: On my way_

Instead of answering, Rafael went back to his room to hang up his trench coat, suit jacket, and to straighten up a little. He hardly flinched at the buzzes at his front door, indicating Carisi's arrival.

"Yes?" He said nonchalantly into his intercom. 

_"It's me,"_ came the slightly breathless response.

Rafael suppressed the sudden impulse to play with the detective a little bit, to pretend he wasn't expecting him and he didn't recognize his voice. Rafael buzzed him in immediately. He went back to his room again to take off his shoes, socks, and tie. He was surprised that Carisi still wasn't at his door by the time he got back to the living room. He made himself comfortable with his scotch and waited on his couch.

He was getting up to see what was taking so long when a knock beckoned him to the door. 

"No problem, ma'am," he heard a Staten Island accent call from the other side of the door. He rolled his eyes and looked through the peephole. Carisi was waving kindly in the direction of the one apartment on the other side of elevator. Rafael swung the door open.

"Helping Mrs. Jenkins with her groceries, Carisi?" He smirked. "Aren't you just the-"

Carisi pushed the door the rest of the way open and gripped Rafael's hips. His lips were on Rafael's immediately and he walked him back against the wall beside the door. Rafael heard the door close loudly, his eyes closed to the sensations of the detective claiming his mouth, to his thigh thrust between his legs.

Rafael's hands got to work and he pushed Carisi's jacket off his shoulders. He yanked Carisi's tie off and started on the buttons at his neck at the same time that Carisi let up on the pressure of his thigh to Rafael's crotch. He pulled Rafael's shirt from his pants and opened his fly.

"Ah," Rafael panted when Carisi pulled away from his mouth. "Eager little boy scout, hm?"

Carisi pushed his hand down Rafael's boxer briefs and palmed his stiffening cock. "Let's not pretend I'm the only eager one, Counselor," he drawled. 

Rafael thrusted into his hand and rolled his eyes at Carisi's answering smirk.

"Yes, Detective," Rafael snarked. "Your big, warm hand feels good on my dick. Don't act like you've proven anything."

Rafael cursed internally when Carisi pulled his hand away but he quickly got with the program when the detective pushed the suspenders off his shoulders and made fast work of the buttons on his shirt. Rafael unbuttoned Carisi's shirt with a little more care and caught the man's eyes when he pushed his hands under Carisi's undershirt and pressed against his firm abs. 

Carisi grinned at the touch and took his dress shirt off before he pushed Rafael's shirt off his shoulders. Rafael wasted no time in pulling Carisi' undershirt up over his head and the taller man ducked his head to Rafael's neck, just under his ear. Rafael hummed appreciatively and rocked against Carisi's thigh pressed back between his legs.

Rafael's hands wandered over Carisi's shoulders and back down to his chest. He tweeked both nipples lightly and received a sharp bite in return, right where his neck met his shoulder. Rafael groaned while Carisi licked over the bite and pushed his hands under Rafael's undershirt, a broad press up to his chest just a tease before he pulled away to lift Rafael's undershirt over his head and off his arms.

Carisi took a step back and Rafael had to consciously lock his knees and hold his own weight without the other man pressing him into the wall. He'd feel self-conscience, naked from the waist up, fly open, and hard cock tenting his underwear, if not for the blush that blossomed over Carisi's own bare chest as he racked his eyes over Rafael's body.

Rafael reached for Carisi's belt loops and pulled the man's hips flush up against his own. He bent his head to kiss over Carisi's pink chest, sucking and licking at the slight indentation between his pecs.

"What do you want?" He asked Carisi between kisses as he mouthed his way to his right nipple. Carisi groaned and Rafael felt the vibrations in his lips. His hands went to Carisi's fly and he looked up at him through his lashes.

"Fuck," was Carisi's only response. With his fly now open, Rafael reached behind Carisi and pushed his hands under his pants and underwear so he could squeeze his ass, skin to skin. Carisi growled and rutted against Rafael. The motion made Rafael's licks and kisses turn messy on Carisi's chest and felt himself moan as he imagined getting the detective even messier. 

He pulled his head back and moved his hands to Carisi's hips, effectively stilling him with minimal effort. He smiled, impressed by Carisi's restraint.

"What do you want, Detective?" He asked with more force. Carisi claimed his lips in another deep kiss, clearly looking to buy time. He sucked Rafael's tongue into his mouth and massaged it with his own tongue for a moment before he pulled back to look Rafael in the eye.

His eyes were darker than Rafael had ever seen them and his stare intense. Between the look and the foreplay, Rafael found himself breathless.

"I want to suck you, Barba."

Rafael let his head fall back into the wall and his eyes rolled back for a moment. He grabbed Carisi's hand and was about to push himself off the wall to drag the detective to his bed when the man dropped to his knees and mouthed over his clothed erection.

Carisi squeezed Rafael's hand once before he moved both hands to Rafael's pants just above his knees. He tugged the pants down but kept licking and sucking around the outline of Rafael's cock and balls through his underwear.

"Carisi," Rafael breathed as he looked down. The other man just closed his eyes as he sucked gently on one of Rafael's balls. " _Carisi_ ," he said more firmly and Rafael gripped the front of his hair, near the hairline, to gently pull his mouth away. Carisi looked up at him, somehow nonchalant even while Rafael didn't let up on the pressure to his hair. "Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on my bed?"

Carisi smiled devilishly and leaned back slightly to nose along Rafael's dick, "Mmm, maybe," he hummed, sending vibrations through Rafael's body. "But I want to be on my knees for you."

Rafael pushed his shoulders into the wall, feeling weak by Carisi's submissive admission. He wasn't sure that the detective even knew what he was doing but it was hotter than he could have imagined.

"Yeah," Rafael agreed. He looked down at Carisi and found that the man was watching him even as he continued working his dick through his boxer briefs. "Yeah. Suck me right here."

It was like Carisi had been waiting for his verbal consent. Rafael realized with a smile that he probably had been. He immediately yanked Rafael's underwear down past his knees. Rafael grinned as he watched his dick lightly slap against Carisi's face, finally free to the cool air before Carisi quickly gripped him and sucked him halfway down.

 _God, he looks beautiful,_ Rafael thought. He bit his lower lip to keep those words from escaping him and he just watched his dick disappear in and out of Carisi's full lips.

Carisi bobbed his head up and down again and again, and he slowed worked his mouth further down until his lips met his fist, holding Rafael steady. He kept his head still and hollowed his cheeks for a moment before he slipped completely off and jacked his spit along Rafael's length. The friction turned to a smooth slide quickly and Rafael's hips twitched of their own accord.

Carisi watched him as though he was mesmerized. Rafael felt drunk off the attention and near the edge from Carisi's ministrations. Carisi ducked his head under Rafael's cock and sucked one of his balls into his mouth, the one he hadn't taken into his mouth while still clothed. His hand continued slowly pumping him and Rafael shuddered when he rubbed his palm over the head of his dick.

"Fuck, Carisi," he moaned. Carisi let go of his balls with a pop, dropped his hands to the waist of his own underwear, and rocked back on his heels. He looked up at Rafael with spit on his lips and even under his mouth. His hair stood up some from where Rafael had pulled it earlier. He looked fucked. 

"Touch yourself, Carisi," Rafael said. Though stated as a command, his tone was no more demanding than requesting a sugar for his coffee.

Carisi sat back up and off his heels. He pushed his underwear down to his knees. Rafael grabbed his own cock and stroked it a couple of times. Carisi fisted himself and looked up, his slightly parted lips merely a breath from Rafael's dick. Rafael couldn't resist. He painted those plump lips with his leaking tip. He grinned when Carisi let his mouth drop open just a little more and Carisi increased his pace on himself.

"Can I come on you, Carisi?" His voice was deep and gravelly, as though he'd had a dick in his throat.

Carisi closed his mouth around the head of Rafael's dick and sucked briefly before he pulled off again. Rafael's hips didn't just twitch but they thrust, looking for that heat again.

"I was thinking you could finish in my mouth," Carisi answered. He looked up through his lashes, suddenly shy, despite seeming so confident since he had pushed his way into Rafael's apartment.

"Yeah," Rafael agreed. He stroked his dick again and lined it up to Carisi's lips.

"And, uh," Carisi said, now staring at Rafael's dick like he couldn't wait to devour it again. "You can pull my hair and-" he paused and glanced up at Rafael's groan "-and you can- I mean … I don't want you to thrust like you're fucking my ass but, uh, you can fuck my face a little. If you want."

"Fuck," Rafael said and he put his free hand in Carisi's hair while he continued stroking himself, rubbing his dick against Carisi's lips every other stroke. Carisi didn't make a move towards him or away from him. He just glanced between Rafael's face and his dick. "Fuck, Carisi," Rafael began again. "Who wouldn't want that?"

Carisi opened his mouth and slowly sank down Rafael's shaft again, just barely past the head. Rafael pulled his hair and it seemed to urge Carisi on, pushing himself even further down until Rafael removed his hand from his base and he felt the back of Carisi's throat.

"Carisi," Rafael moaned and he tugged more sharply on his hair. "Fuck, that's good. But wait."

Carisi pulled off of Rafael and mouthed around his balls again. "Everything okay?" He asked, his voice soft and his breath tickling.

"Yeah, just," Rafael took a deep breath. "Keep your hands on my hips. If I'm too rough, just push on me and I'll let up."

Carisi looked up again and nodded. 

"Or, of course, just take your mouth off me."

Carisi smirked. It was hard to believe he had looked so shy just a moment ago. "I don't plan to take my mouth off you again until you've come," he stated simply. He gripped Rafael's hips tightly and he sank down his cock.

"Fuck yeah," Rafael groaned. He thrust gently once, pushing his cock up and along the roof of his mouth. Carisi moaned and jerked back slightly. Rafael pulled back quickly, worried he had already pushed too hard. When Carisi made eye contact, though, he just hollowed his cheeks and pushed his eyes back. His eyes weren't rolling and Rafael got the hint quickly. 

He threaded his fingers along both sides of Carisi's head and he thrust again. Carisi sank all the way down to Rafael's pubs. Rafael watched in fascination as his cock disappeared completely and Carisi nodded his head slightly. He felt Carisi's throat constrict around the head of his cock. He knew it was only a moment before Carisi pulled back again but it felt like forever in that tight heat. 

Carisi steadied his head about a quarter of the way down Rafael and he sat there for a moment before he ran his tongue around the part of the shaft in his mouth. Rafael thrust gently and Carisi opened to him slightly, clearly wanting Rafael to set the pace. Rafael tugged with both hands and he chuckled when Carisi pushed against the tug and down his cock a fraction of an inch. Carisi looked up at him, an eyebrow cocked either in understanding or in challenge, Rafael wasn't sure.

"That's it, baby," Rafael said, encouragingly. The term of endearment came out despite himself and he thrust more sharply than he had been so far, just a couple of times. Carisi groaned in response and squeezed Rafael's hip tightly with his left hand while his right dropped completely. 

Rafael watched Carisi's arm moving on his own dick in time with Rafael's thrusts. Rafael stilled and so did Carisi. The two looked each other in the eye, Carisi's tongue rolling around the head of Rafael's dick until Rafael snapped his hips. He tugged on Carisi's hair once before simply cradling his head with slight but constant pressure on his scalp. 

Carisi's hand started working himself more quickly and Rafael's hips matched him, pace building even while he kept his thrusts shallow, no longer pushing himself much more than halfway into the detective's mouth.

The two continued to increase their pace and matched the other each time. Rafael adjusted his grip on Carisi's hair and he felt his orgasm begin to curl in his stomach.

"Carisi, fuck," he started to warn. Carisi just hummed around him and tugged Rafael's hip forward. Rafael's cock twitched and he was coming before he knew it.

Carisi surged forward. Rafael gasped as he spilled himself into Carisi's mouth and then down his throat. His whole body jerked when Carisi swallowed around his head, unable to process all the sensations. Rafael pulled on Carisi's hair until the other man let up. He continued to swallow as he pulled off Rafael's cock all the way to the head. He sucked slightly and Rafael's hips stuttered twice as Carisi pulled the last of his orgasm out of him.

Rafael felt oversensitive to the last of Carisi's licks and he pulled Carisi's head off him with steady force. Carisi groaned loudly as soon as Rafael slipped from his lips.

"That's it, Carisi," he praised. He wanted nothing more than to see Carisi come moments after blowing him so enthusiastically. "Fuck, you felt so good. You deserve to come now, come on."

Carisi looked up at him, eyes glassy and hand flying. He dropped his head down again to watch himself. On impulse, Rafael grabbed his hair, at the front again like he had the first time, and he tugged once. Carisi's eyes snapped up to his and he spilled over his own hand. Ropes of come hit Carisi's chest and stomach. His mouth was open, panting, as he jacked himself four more times. Once again, Rafael was struck by how beautiful he was.

Carisi twitched in his hand one last time before he slumped forward and rested his forehead beside Rafael's crotch. Rafael was glad Carisi had positioned him against a wall, especially now that it seemed like all of Carisi's weight was in his head, steadily pushing into Rafael, until his breathing evened out and he sat back on his heels.

Rafael cupped Carisi's cheek for a moment and, with the same hand, combed through his dark blond hair. He tugged slightly when he reached the back of Carisi's head and then hooked both hands under Carisi's armpits. He intended to help the other man to his feet but quickly realized that the detective didn't need help. 

Rafael felt a pang of jealousy at the other man's strength and flexibility to be able to stand up, without needing to use his hands to steady himself or an extra moment to allow his joints to fully extend. He resisted the urge to tickle Carisi with his hands placed so perfectly at his pits. Instead, he firmly patted Carisi's chest and bent down to pull up his underwear and step fully out of his pants.

"Stay for a drink." 

"Uh," Carisi shifted his feet awkwardly, his flaccid penis swaying between his legs and his own come drying on his chest and stomach. "I should really-"

"Stay for a drink," Rafael insisted more firmly, his eyes locked on Carisi's. Carisi gave him another shy smile.

"I'll stay for a drink," Carisi ducked his head and leaned down to pull up his own underwear and pants. Rafael caught the blush, though.

"You know where the bathroom is, Detective," Rafael said, careful to keep his tone conversational. "Feel free to clean up. Would you like a Stella? Or a scotch?"

"Uh, Stella, thanks," Carisi answered. Both men went their own ways, Rafael to the kitchen and Carisi to pick up his discarded clothes before retreating to the hall bathroom.

Rafael retrieved their drinks, topping off his own that he had left on the coffee table in the living room, and then went to his bedroom where he found and slipped on an old Harvard tshirt. Carisi was sitting on his couch when he came back to the living room, dress shirt left unbuttoned over his undershirt. He was finishing a swig from his beer and putting it back on the coffee table.

Rafael went to the other side of the couch and sat quietly, watching Carisi tie his shoes. When the other man straightened, Rafael lifted his glass in salute. Carisi mirrored him with his bottle and the two took a sip without taking their eyes off one another. Carisi's blush was predictable.

"So," Rafael started, holding his glass in one hand and running his fingers around the rim with the other. He didn't miss Carisi's eyes watching his fingers before traveling up his chest and to his face when Rafael didn't continue. 

"So?" Carisi prompted, gesturing his beer towards Rafael.

"So, this thing," Rafael started, eyebrows raised. "I wanted to make sure we're on the same page."

"On the same page?" Carisi asked with a laugh. "Barba, we've hooked up twice over the course of a month. It's not like there's even a pattern here to misunderstand."

Rafael smirked, encouraged by Carisi's response. "Well, let's make sure there aren't misunderstandings down the road."

It was Carisi's turn to smirk and he twisted his body more towards Rafael. "You changing your tune from a month ago? Mr. 'Not-That-There-Will-Be-Another-Time'?"

"There's clearly …" Rafael paused and took another sip of his scotch, searching for the right word so as to not promise too much but also not to dismiss the attraction between them. "... chemistry. Here. And I wouldn't be opposed to _this_ -" he gestured between them, "-happening again. If you're not opposed. No strings attached, no exclusivity."

Carisi put on an exaggerated frown, not of displeasure but of deep thought, and bobbed his head from side to side. "Seems reasonable," he agreed. "Kind of thing where, if we're both feeling it and both available, awesome. If not, oh well. Otherwise, everything stays the same."

"Precisely," Rafael nodded. "Especially at work. We can't let _this_ -" he gestured again and this time, Carisi rolled his eyes. Rafael snorted but soldiered on more seriously, "we can't let this seep into our professional relationship."

"Understood, Counselor."

The two toasted their agreement and drank, Rafael just taking a sip while he watched Carisi's Adam's apple bob while he finished another quarter of his drink in one go. He put the bottle down gently, still just over half finished.

"I appreciate the beer, Barba," he said as slapped his hands against his thighs and stood from the couch. Rafael was once again jealous of his energy and he slowly pushed himself up after him. "I should get going. I really do need to study this weekend."

Rafael nodded and followed him towards the door. Carisi picked up his jacket from the back of a chair as he walked and he stuffed his tie in his pocket. He reached for the door handle and Rafael allowed himself an eyeful of Carisi's stretching torso, covered only by his thin undershirt and framed by the still unbuttoned dress shirt. 

Carisi caught him staring and he paused, just holding the doorknob and he jutted his hip out. Rafael considered his options and in a matter of seconds, thought through Carisi's casual comments and easygoing nature. Rafael knew that the detective had a crush on him, long before they laid a hand on one another, but it seemed the crush was satisfied with keeping things physical and friendly. In a matter of seconds, he decided that a goodnight kiss wasn't too risky.

He crowded into Carisi's space and reached up with one hand to grip the back of his neck. He pulled the taller man down while he tipped his mouth up towards him. Carisi met him eagerly and their tongues pushed against each other, neither fully entering the other's mouth until Rafael moaned and allowed Carisi to take control. The kiss was short but intense. Rafael longed to press his body along the length of the other man.

Carisi pulled away just enough to peck two more kisses on Rafael's lips.

"Goodnight, Barba," he said as he opened the door. Rafael let his hand fall from Carisi's neck. He indulged himself and pressed that hand to Carisi's chest. He looked into Carisi's eyes and reached up on his tiptoes to give him one last peck.

"Goodnight, Carisi," he pushed against Carisi's chest, both to feel his nipple hardening and to encourage him out the door, enjoying the tease. Carisi smirked before he turned away and headed to the elevator. He turned his head and waved over his shoulder as Rafael nodded back and shut his door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again, [Natalie](https://twitter.com/nataliecjeffrey), for being such an amazing beta! ❤️ Thanks to everyone else for reading, and for leaving kudos/comments. A shorter chapter to follow in the next couple of weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny's POV of a couple days between 17x08 (Melancholy Pursuit) and 17x09 (Depravity Standard)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [Italian Doll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/italiandoll) for her invaluable beta work ❤️ All remaining mistakes are my own.

* * *

**Friday, October 16, 2015 - Between episodes 17.08 & 17.09**

* * *

Sonny carried four empty pint glasses and a pitcher over to the high top he shared with some of his Fordham classmates. Just as he placed everything down, he felt a vibration in his pocket.

"Uh-oh," Maggie said between sips of her rum and Coke. "Work calls again."

"Nah, I told you guys I'm not on call tonight," Sonny responded. "Otherwise I wouldn't be drinking."

"Yeah," Jack laughed while he poured a beer for Rashad. "That's why they're trying to catch you early in the night."

Sonny smiled and unlocked his phone to read the text.

_Barba: Can I interest you in a drink at my place?_

He actually chuckled out loud at Barba's idea of a booty call.

"Uh-oh," Maggie said again. She set her glass down seriously and tucked a piece of her dark hair behind her ear. "If you ditch us for a piece of ass, no matter how hot, that'll be worse form than leaving to go catch some bad guys."

"Hey, when have I ever ditched you guys for anything less than the job?" Carisi answered, offended.

"Sure," Jasmyn agreed, toasting him with her beer. "But you've never looked at your phone like that before either."

Sonny rolled his eyes and looked back at his phone. "It's nothing, really. Just a co-worker … seeing if I wanted to meet for a drink. Didn't know I already have plans."

His eyes must have lingered on the text message too long because when he looked back up, his classmates were sharing a significant look.

"Come on, guys," Sonny laughed. "This isn't gonna be a Rashad and Taylor situation."

"Hey! Taylor is just a friend!" 

The immediate chorus of incredulity from everyone else at the table was predictable. 

" _Please_!"

"You're still claiming _friends_!"

"Why deny it, bro?"

Sonny smiled despite himself. It might have been low but it got them off his back long enough to consider his response. He knew he couldn't go see Barba right away. And it didn't feel right to ask if he could come by later. After he finished early with his friends … perhaps a bit earlier than he originally planned ...

No, he wasn't about to start changing his plans for a hook up with Barba. Not when they both agreed that it was a casual thing between them, basically friends with benefits. _Colleagues_ with benefits.

_Out with friends. Raincheck?_

He put his phone away before anyone gave him shit about it again.

Jack pushed a glass of beer into his now empty hand and Sonny easily rejoined their conversation.

Sonny felt his phone vibrate again a few minutes later but he was determined not to check unless he got another message, just in case it was someone from the squad.

* * *

After a few hours of jumping from relationships to politics to _The Good Wife_ (and how much they still missed Josh Charles) and back to relationships, Sonny signed his bill and said goodbye to his friends while they ordered another round. He pulled out his phone as he walked toward the subway.

_Barba: Of course. Enjoy your friends_

Sonny smiled and glanced at the time. Yeah, midnight was too late to cash in his raincheck. He could wait until both their schedules worked out.

* * *

**Wednesday, October 21, 2015**

* * *

"Carisi, time to clock out."

Sonny looked up to see Fin coming into the squad room. It was Fin's turn to take the late shift and Sonny had been covering for him while he went out to pick up his dinner.

Sonny rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and stared blearily at the form he'd been filling out. He only had a few more fields to ---

"Carisi, man," Fin said as he unwrapped his food. "Get outta here. You've been here since 6 am."

"At my desk, yeah," Sonny grumbled.

"Exactly. And you've finished your paperwork and moved on to Amanda's. She was practically caught up before she went on leave."

"Alright, I hear ya," Sonny laughed and quickly gathered his things. "Give me a call if anything comes up."

"Don't worry, I will," Fin called after Sonny's retreating back.

* * *

Sonny stepped outside the precinct doors and stopped before he even got to his car. He'd been at work for over thirteen hours but doing paperwork all day left him antsy. He didn't want to just go straight home. He was on call so he also couldn't get a drink. 

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his texts, dismissing his sisters as more drama than he was interested in and his classmates as likely to want to drink. He was about to scroll back up to Rollins' thread to ask if she needed anything but then he saw Barba's name and his last text.

_Barba: Of course. Enjoy your friends_

Sonny had seen Barba briefly on Monday at the station but that was it. He started to type. 

_How do you feel about a midweek fuck?_

Before he could talk himself out of it, he sent it, pocketed his phone and headed for the deli a block away to grab a sandwich.

Barba's response came through while Sonny paid for his food. He pulled out his phone on the walk back to his car.

_Barba: Classy. But I guess I should be gratified that you avoided any "Hump Day" puns_

Sonny snorted. He struggled to think of a quick comeback but he was saved by another text.

_Barba: I'll be at my house in 20. See you there_

Sonny knew it'd just reinforce Barba's opinion of him as juvenile but he responded with a couple of eggplant emojis anyway.

* * *

"Eggplants? Really, Detective?" Barba walked away from his apartment door even while in the motion of swinging it open. 

"Hey," Sonny easily started. He gently pushed the door closed and followed Barba toward the kitchen. "You can't be surprised that I'm trying to meet your expectations."

"Very amusing," Barba put his scotch down on the breakfast bar and motioned towards the refrigerator. "Stella?"

"Oh, thanks but I'm on call."

"You're here on a night that you're _on call_." 

It wasn't a question and Sonny couldn't tell just how upset Barba might be.

"Honestly, Barba," he started, perhaps a bit defensive. "I'm on call probably 60% of the nights that I'm not fully on duty. And with Rollins on bedrest --"

"Yeah, okay, I get it."

Barba eyed Sonny as he sipped his scotch.

"It didn't even occur to me that this might be a pr-"

"It's not," Barba cut in, his expression contemplative. "I'm just realizing that I've never slept with a cop. Which is a good thing. But I guess while I expected irregular shifts and odd hours, being on call never occurred to me."

"It's a good thing you've never slept with a cop, huh?" Sonny asked, stepping towards Barba and grabbing his glass to set it back on the breakfast bar. He felt an odd moment of déjà vu to their first night when Sonny similarly set Barba's drink aside, though with much more urgency than this time. 

He stepped into Barba's space and he fit his hand into the juncture of Barba's jaw and neck to tilt his head up. Barba smirked at him and Sonny paused despite himself, curious how the other man would respond.

"You're clearly much more trouble than you're worth," Barba finally said, smirk still firmly in place.

"Yet here I am," Sonny grinned.

"No reason to turn away sex when you're already in my apartment."

Sonny rolled his eyes and lowered his mouth to Barba's. He's not sure he'd ever combined an eye roll with a searing kiss but he wasn't about to start complaining, nor was he going to give Barba the chance to truly second guess the logistical challenges of sleeping with a cop. 

He poured everything he had into the kiss, stroking his tongue against Barba's and tasting the scotch in his mouth. Sonny's hands roamed firmly over Barba's solid chest and he thumbed over his hardening nipples until Barba moaned into the kiss.

"Mm," Barba muttered before he pulled away. "As fun as this is, I'd like to come before you're called away."

"Classy," Sonny quipped. 

Barba rolled his eyes, turned sharply away, and headed toward his bedroom. Had he done this that first night, perhaps even the second, Sonny would have panicked. But he knew he wasn't being kicked out. Barba wanted this, maybe as much as Sonny did. He followed behind, yanking his tie loose and starting on the buttons of his shirt.

Barba had the same idea and he was removing his vest and dress shirt when Sonny entered the bedroom after him. The two seemed to have a silent, mutual agreement for efficiency in disrobing. Sonny was pulling off his pants and underwear when he finally spoke.

"How do you want me?"

Barba smiled and lowered his chin, his expression almost predatory. He stood shirtless with his pants undone as he considered Sonny. 

"How do you feel about rimming, Detective?"

"Um, I feel good about it. Do you mind washi-?"

"I was hoping to rim _you_ , Carisi." He paused, perhaps to take in what Sonny assumed was a slightly shocked expression. It certainly wasn't what he had expected when Sonny asked Barba how he wanted him. "If you want to shower, or just use a washcloth, whatever you're comfortable with, the towels in the guest bathroom are clean."

"Yeah, okay. You're good waiting a few minutes?"

"Would I be asking for this if I minded waiting? No reason to take longer than necessary. If you like the idea of my eating your ass, stop stalling and wash up."

Convinced, Sonny headed to the hall bathroom and started a shower. He avoided his hair so he could dry off more quickly and he focused on a thorough but fast washcloth cleaning of his hole. He felt himself getting hard as he imagined Barba behind him, opening him with his mouth. 

He tried not to let his mind wander too much but he also couldn't resist a quick soap down of his body. He was pretty sure he finished in less than five minutes, even after he hastily toweled himself mostly dry. 

He went back to Barba's room, only slightly self-conscious of his half hard dick, until he saw Barba leaning back on his headboard, completely naked and lazily stroking himself, his eyes closed.

Sonny walked around the side of the bed and rested a hand on Barba's upper thigh. Barba clearly heard him approach because he didn't startle at all, he just slowly opened eyes and took in Sonny's naked form, from chest to balls. Sonny wished he didn't blush so easily but he knew he was beet red under Barba's gaze.

He swooped down to break the other man's inspection and kissed him soundly. Barba sat up to meet him but ended the kiss quickly to scoot back on his knees so he could make room for Sonny where he had been lying down. He grabbed each of Sonny's biceps to pull him up.

"Hands and knees," Barba instructed, his voice soft but commanding.

Sonny complied and assumed the position from almost two months ago. He felt relieved to be in Barba's apartment a third time.

"Are you comfortable?" Barba settled between Sonny's calves, his breath hot on Sonny's ass.

"Yeah," Sonny responded as he spread his knees a little more to give Barba better access.

"Good, that's good," Barba muttered. His hands rubbed up the back of Sonny's thighs and to his ass cheeks. 

He pulled Sonny apart with his thumbs and licked from the bottom of Sonny's balls to his asshole. He nipped lightly a few times from Sonny's rim to the small of his back. Sonny tried to stifle a groan but Barba heard him. 

"Uh-uhn, Detective," Barba spoke directly into Sonny's hole, which twitched at his breath. "You know I want to hear you."

It was like a switch went off and Sonny allowed a deep moan to escape. Barba rewarded him with more licks around his rim. Barba's fingers kneeded Sonny's cheeks while his thumbs kept him open. Barba pressed his tongue broadly and firmly over Sonny's hole before it retreated and was replaced by Barba's lips. He sucked hard and Sonny's hips jerked involuntarily, breaking the seal with a lewd pop. 

Sonny whined and pushed back. The whine morphed into a high, keening sound when Barba's tongue found him and pressed immediately inside, just barely. He thumbs worked to hold him open, harder now that Sonny had started sweating and Barba's saliva made a mess of him. 

Barba's groan as he nipped, licked, kissed, and sucked Sonny's ass vibrated up his spine and back down to his cock.

The feeling was unreal. It had been heady enough for Barba to be on his knees to suck his dick that first night. For him to be on his knees again, now eating his ass and clearly enjoying every minute had Sonny rocking his hips, more gently than that first night but just as desperate.

Barba pointed his tongue and pushed as far inside Sonny as he could manage. He slowly pulled his tongue back out almost immediately. Sonny felt him shift on the bed and he looked over his shoulder to see that Barba was back on his heels, two fingers deep in his mouth.

"Oh fuck," Sonny grunted. He watched, transfixed, as Barba smirked around his fingers and he jolted slightly when the mostly dry thumb of his other hand rubbed circles around his rim.

Barba chuckled and removed his fingers with a soft pop. "Ready for more?"

"God, yessss," Sonny hissed when Barba pushed a finger deeply inside him. He let his head fall forward to the mattress and he lowered himself to his elbows. He felt Barba's tongue circle around the finger inside him, just outside the rim. "Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck."

Barba's tongue started to push against his rim beside his finger and Sonny beared down in the hopes of welcoming both Barba's finger and tongue. Barba's tongue was only in to the tip before it retreated and his middle finger pushed in its place. He set a steady rhythm finger fucking Sonny and continued to lick around his hole. 

"Barba, come on," Sonny muttered. 

Barba pulled his mouth away but kept pumping his fingers into him.

"What do you want?" Barba asked darkly. "Could you come like this? Or would you rather have my cock?"

"Fuck yeah," Sonny responded, unsure which sounded better. He felt Barba's fingers scissor open and closed.

"Hm, I'm sure you could come from this, Detective," he reached around with his free hand to rub Sonny's hard dick tight against his stomach, pre-come leaking onto his abs and Barba's fingers. "You're practically dripping. But which do you _want_?"

"Anything," Sonny answered without thought. Both of Barba's hands stopped moving suddenly. He was on him and in him but still. Sonny tried to rock against him but Barba slotted his hips against Sonny's ass to keep him from pushing back. The motion pushed Barba's fingers deeper into Sonny, who moaned loudly in surprise.

"' _Anything_ ' is not good enough," Barba told him firmly. "Do you want to come like this or do you want my cock?" 

"Cock, definitely cock."

"Then let's get you ready."

Barba's hands were suddenly gone and Sonny turned his head to the side to see him reach for the drawer to the nightstand to retrieve lube and a condom. Sonny dropped his head again when Barba leaned back between his knees.

Sonny listened for the sound of the lube being opened and squirted on fingers and he was startled when he felt Barba's tongue between his cheeks. Barba's hands pulled his cheeks apart again and his tongue thrust inside him.

"Hnng, shit, Barba, fuck," Sonny cursed as his pushed back against Barba's mouth. He felt teeth and lips briefly and then Barba's mouth was gone, hardly on him more than thirty seconds. "Christ," Sonny moaned.

"Sorry, Detective," there was a smile in Barba's voice. "I just had to get one more taste of you."

"Yeah, alright," Sonny panted. "Just put your fi-"

Sonny must have missed the sound of the lube because there were suddenly two slick fingers in him and a third slowly worked its way alongside the first two.

"Yeah, that's, yeah," Sonny stuttered. 

"Carisi," Barba started and paused. "Carisi, look at me."

Sonny looked back over his shoulder. Barba groaned at the sight of him.

"Carisi, be honest with me. Is three enough? Could you ride me after three fingers?"

"Damn, yeah," Sonny nodded. "Just … stretch just a little - ugh - yeah. Just a little more. A little deeper. I'm almost ready."

Barba's hand flexed and his third finger slid in beside the other two. He pumped into Sonny, who couldn't watch any longer. He let his head fall to the mattress, still turned to the side. He bore down against Barba's fingers and pulled them deeper inside. 

"Tell me, Detective," Barba demanded in a low voice. "When you're ready, tell me."

Sonny nodded and moaned. He allowed the other man's pumping to rock his body slightly. He allowed the other man to push deep into him and stretch him until he couldn't wait for his cock any longer.

"I'm ready," Sonny said as he pushed himself back to all fours. "Fuck, I'm ready."

Barba pulled his fingers out, leaving Sonny feeling far more empty than he could stand at the moment. Sonny shifted to the side and turned to face Barba on his knees, just inches apart. He grabbed Barba's wrists and pulled him flush against his chest to kiss him. Barba twisted his arms away and ran his dry hand through Sonny's hair, tugging slightly at the crown. Sonny groaned at the sensation, more pleased than he cared to admit knowing that Barba remembered he liked a little hair pulling. 

With his lube-slick hand, Barba gripped their dicks together and stroked as well as he could between their bodies. Sonny opened his mouth to catch his breath and Barba kept kissing around his lips, down to his neck. Sonny felt his orgasm building with his dick pressed hard against Barba's, sliding between Barba's hand, Barba's mouth on his neck licking and kissing. 

Sonny pulled his hips away before he could come, his own cock easily slipping from Barba's grip. He grabbed hold of the other man's hips and turned him so that he fell off his knees and onto his ass, his back facing the headboard. With an easy shift of his weight, Barba was on his back with his legs stretched out under Sonny.

"We fool around a second longer, Counselor," Sonny said as he loomed over Barba on all fours, "I'll be too spent to be able to ride you."

"We can't have that, can we, Detective?" Barba drawled.

Sonny smirked and kissed him quickly before leaning back so he was only on his knees. He reached between them to grab Barba's dick. He pressed it firmly to Barba's tummy and eased himself onto Barba's lap, Barba's cock nestled against Sonny's crack, trapped between his stomach and Sonny's ass. Barba moaned and rocked his hips while Sonny twisted around to look for the condom.

"Other side, Carisi," Barba instructed and, sure enough, he found the condom and lube by Barba's knee when he twisted his body the other way.

Sonny wasted no time in ripping the condom open and lifting off Barba to roll the condom on him. Barba rubbed his hands on Sonny's legs and squeezed both his thighs. Sonny looked at him, taken slightly aback by the soft look on his face. He smiled at the man while he rubbed lube on his dick. 

"Ya alright?" Sonny asked him.

Barba's soft look turned into a smirk. "So long as you get on my dick in the near future."

Sonny laughed despite himself. He gripped Barba at the base and lined himself up. Barba shifted his hands to Sonny's ass and held him open while Sonny slowly sank down. He felt every inch, a pleasant burn due to slightly less prep than their first time. When he was fully seated on Barba, he rolled his hips in a small circle and heard Barba moan. 

His eyes flew open. He hadn't even realized he had closed them. Barba, though, was watching intently. His eyes roamed from Sonny's chest to where their bodies met and back up to Sonny's face. Barba's hands trailed from his ass back to the top of Sonny's thighs again. Sonny leaned forward just a bit and rubbed his hands from Barba's ribs up to his pecks. He lifted his hips and massaged Barba's chest as he slowly fucked himself on the other man's dick.

"That's it, Carisi," Barba encouraged. He let Sonny set the pace and just lay there for a moment, only stroking Sonny's thighs. "Fuck, that feels good."

Sonny nodded his agreement. He shifted his weight and changed the angle of his hips, hoping to feel Barba's dick rub against his prostate. Barba took that exact moment to push his hips off the bed.

"Hnnng, yessss," Sonny gritted out when he felt his nerves light up. "Fuck yes."

The two of them moved together. Sonny worked to keep the angle the same while he fucked himself harder and faster. Sonny moved his hands off Barba's chest. He wrapped one around his own dick and pushed the other into the mattress just beside Barba's arm.

"Fuck, Barba, I'm gonna," Sonny bit his lip. His cock was harder than ever, and the slide of his hand was slick and fast. He almost lost his balance with one roll of his hips but Barba's hands steadied him quickly. Sonny looked at the other man's face. He was overwhelmed with what he saw. 

Barba watched him, enraptured. He had a slight smile on his face as he ogled Sonny. Sonny wasn't sure if he was watching his own dick fucking Sonny's hole or Sonny's hand fisting himself, or maybe both.

"Do it, come on, Carisi," Barba said softly. He snapped his hips a couple of times and grunted at the effort. The combination of it all, the sensations, the look on Barba's face, the noises Barba made, Sonny let go. He came all over Barba's chest and he clenched tightly around Barba's cock. Ropes of come painted Barba's tan chest and dark chest hair.

"Fuck, yeah." Barba said, his voice now rough. Sonny watched his face while the last of his come shot weakly just past Barba's navel. He wondered if the sensations would overtake him, if Barba's eyes would flutter shut. But they never did. "Fuck, Carisi. So beautiful."

Sonny moaned despite himself. He watched Barba carefully for a beat, unsure if he knew what he'd even said.

"So fucking beautiful," he repeated. Sonny clenched again and he saw Barba's abs flutter. Sonny rubbed the hand that had been on his dick through some of his come, rubbed it into Barba's chest, wetted his nippled. He twisted gently. 

Barba hissed and grabbed Sonny's hips again. He held him still and fucked up into him, hard. Just a handful of strokes, before Barba came as well. Sonny could feel him again empty himself into the condom. Barba moaned and Sonny twisted the other nipple, less gently. Barba's hands slipped from Sonny's hips.

"Jesus, fuck," Barba whispered. "Feels so good."

Sonny smiled and sat himself back in Barba's lap, not eager for Barba's softening dick to slip out of him. The two caught their breath for a moment, panting and looking at each other. 

Barba squeezed one of Sonny's thighs again except this time it tickled, the surprise of it startled a laugh out of him and he rolled out of Barba's grip and off his cock, groaning at the again empty feeling.

When Sonny turned his head to look at Barba, he was surprised to see the man looking at him again with a soft smile on his face.

"Really, Detective?" Barba laughed quietly. "You're ticklish?"

Sonny laughed back, a little louder. "Yeah, well," he started, nodding. "Moreso when I'm not expecting it. You know, like right after I've been thoroughly fucked."

Barba laughed again, his expression still soft, his eyes not leaving Sonny's. Sonny found himself unnerved by it, in combination with the sex induced declarations. He turned his head forward to look at the ceiling and took a few deep breaths.

"Wear you out again?" Barba joked.

Sonny looked at him to see that he was now rubbing his chest, bits of dried come flaking off him.

"Yeah, well, when you're just laying there …" Sonny quipped back. Barba barked out a laugh.

"Hang tight," Barba told him. He rolled off the bed and pulled off the condom on his way to the master bath. Sonny heard it drop in the trash can and the water start running. He thought about getting up to clean himself too but he decided to give Barba some privacy. The water turned off and Sonny thought he could hear Barba rub himself down. 

The water was back on again, longer this time. Then it was off and Barba was walking out of the bathroom with a wet cloth and a fluffy towel. He walked to the door to turn off the light and then Sonny felt the bed dip when Barba climbed back in bed. Sonny was about to get up but then Barba spoke.

"Roll over, Carisi, before this washcloth gets cold."

Sonny was about to roll off the bed anyway so he twisted to his side without even thinking. Then he felt the warm washcloth at his crack. Barba persistently pushed between his cheeks and he rubbed at Sonny's sensitive hole. Sonny sighed. The warm, wet cloth was soothing and he felt his body relax even more into the mattress.

"Here," Barba said and placed another washcloth on his shoulder. "For your hands, if you need it."

Sonny wiped his hands off with the cloth and turned the cloth over to wipe the unused side across his forehead.

"You know, Counselor," Sonny said sleepily. "I could go take a shower."

"Sure," Barba agreed sarcastically. "Looks like that's going to happen any time now. Besides, I clearly need to make up for _just laying there_."

Sonny snorted and turned his head back towards Barba. His eyes had adjusted to the limited light and he could see the smirk on the other man's face. He smiled back, comfortable in Barba's bed with Barba's quiet teasing. Barba took both washcloths and laid them down at the end of the bed. He used the towel he had brought with him to dry Sonny's backside and he handed the other end to Sonny to dry his hands.

"I shouldn't stay," Sonny said but he wasn't convincing himself, much less Barba.

"Suit yourself," Barba challenged.

"Give me an hour. Then I'll be out of your hair."

"Your call, Detective. I'll be sound asleep. You're welcome to stay until morning."

"Thanks, Barba," Sonny said sincerely. "I have an early shift, though. Easier for me to leave tonight than try to fight the commuters to my place before making it to the precinct."

"Fair enough," Barba answered, his voice even softer, close to sleep.

"Good night," Sonny whispered.

"Night, Carisi," Barba whispered back.

* * *

True to his word, Sonny was up and out of bed within the hour. The nap had helped but he was desperate to be back in his own bed with the promise of a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Just as he had done in August, Sonny found his clothes quickly and slipped into the living room to get dressed. He made quicker work prepping Barba's coffee now that he didn't have to guess where to find the filters. He opted to skip the note this time and he was out the door before midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Natalie](https://twitter.com/nataliecjeffrey), thank you for being beta ❤️ 
> 
> Everyone else, thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated, as always ❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S17xE09 - Depravity Standard
> 
> Rafael's POV as he focuses on the Hodda case and works closely with Carisi for the first time since they started sleeping together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True episode tag with a lot of "missing" moments. No smut. 
> 
> Even though it's taken me forever to write this chapter, I didn't spend a whole lot of time researching court proceedings and legalities. A little bit of time but not a lot. Apologies if I messed anything up too much. But hopefully nothing that's too glaring.
> 
> Thanks as always to [Italian Doll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/italiandoll) for her amazing beta work ❤️ All remaining mistakes are my own.

* * *

**Saturday, November 14, 2015 - Depravity Standard**

* * *

**_"Well, as your dad used to say Ms. Hassler, worth a shot. But the confession is admissible."_ **

Rafael held the door to the meeting room open for Carisi and followed swiftly behind him. He waited until the door was completely closed before he began.

"We both have places to be, Detective, so I'll make this quick."

Carisi smiled, seemingly unconcerned despite Rafael's clipped tone.

"Had a feeling there was at least one more lesson to follow after 'Lesson Number 1,'" he joked, hands in pockets and hips swaying in a relaxed motion.

"How intuitive of you," Rafael grumbled before he addressed Carisi sternly. "Lesson Number 2, which is just as important as Lesson Number 1: shadows don't mess around with lawyers they're shadowing." He paused and held Carisi's gaze, his chin tipped down and his eyes pointed up toward the detective. Carisi continued swaying as he maintained eye contact, unfazed. "Now," Rafael resumed as he placed the motions paperwork in his briefcase, "I wouldn't be opposed to returning to our casual,-" he paused and gestured between them, "- _arrangement_ after this trial. But we have to keep our hands to ourselves while working this closely."

"I'll try to resist," Sonny snarked.

"There is no _try_ , Detective."

Carisi snorted and Rafael's eyes snapped up and annoyance flared as he watched the other man stifle more laughter with a loose fist in front of his mouth. 

" _What?_ "

"Come on, Barba," Carisi folded his arms over his chest and smirked at Rafael. "Even you gotta know that you just quoted Yoda."

Rafael rolled his eyes. He hadn't realized but he recognized it now.

"Yes, well, _do_ maintain a professional distance for the duration of this trial."

Carisi's smirk turned into a full grin. Rafael immediately regretted letting on that he was familiar with the line. 

"Speaking of professional, you're still a detective, first and foremost," Rafael paused. Carisi simply looked back at him, eyebrows raised, ready for instructions. "Go back to the precinct and tell the squad: I need anything you can find that would link Hodda to Hector. Especially while Hector was still alive. Text me with any updates, large or small."

Carisi nodded, his expression determined. 

"On it, Counselor." His playful tone was gone and he was out the door within seconds. 

As Rafael closed his briefcase, it occurred to him that this was the first case they'd worked together since Terrance Reylonds. It was less than ideal.

Despite that, Rafael was gratified that three words, _On it, Counselor_ , and a look from Carisi was enough to feel reassured. To feel confident that this significant change in their personal relationship wouldn't affect Carisi's work. However, he still wished that it had been a lower stakes case between this one and the first time he had seen Carisi naked. As though such a case existed.

He certainly would not have chosen this case, or any other hypothetical first case back with SVU, as the case for Carisi to shadow. 

Rafael picked up his briefcase, headed for the door, and pulled out his phone as he walked. A number of texts waited for him. He responded quickly to the DA and Carmen before he opened the text from Liv.

_Benson: Call me when the hearing ends._

Rafael wasn't surprised by the request but he still rolled his eyes as he pressed the call button. He loved that Liv cared. She wouldn't be Liv if she didn't care. But he could do without pressure coming from her wh-

_"Benson."_

"Didn't go the way we'd hoped," Rafael started in without greeting. "But it did go as expected."

_"The confession's out."_

"No, the confession's in," he answered as he walked down the courthouse steps. "I honestly wasn't worried about that. Horowitz might have been a defense attorney but he's not unreasonable."

He heard her sigh of relief through the line.

"The expected bad news is that the other abductions are out. Including Wyatt."

_"So much for reasonable."_

"I told you that was a longshot. I had to try but few judges would allow alleged cri-"

_"Alleged? Barba, we know that he-"_

"Of course _we_ know, Lieutenant. But legally, without a conviction-"

 _"I know, I know,"_ Liv cut him off sharply. _"What else?"_

Rafael let out a sigh of his own, frustrated with how often he had to remind cops, even Liv, of the law. He glanced at the traffic stopping at Worth and Center before he continued walking.

"Hodda has new counsel. Lisa Hassler. She's tough."

_"Good thing you have help."_

He rolled his eyes, annoyed that she could joke so quickly after giving him shit about the motions.

"Yeah, about that. You could have alerted me."

 _"Carisi said he'd mentioned it to you,"_ Liv sounded confused now. _"In fact, he said the two of you had discussed it more than once."_

Rafael gritted his teeth. He didn't want to portray Carisi as a liar to his boss. But she still should have known to tell him.

"We discussed it in the hypothetical. I would not have picked this case. I was hoping he-"

_"Barba, if you don't want him there, you should just tell him. From our end, the timing worked out. I personally thought it'd be a good case for him, especially since he wasn't on the squad when we investigated it originally. But it's your call. No one's forcing you."_

"No, of course not," Barba replied sarcastically. Liv just snorted. "And as for investigating, your squad's not off the hook yet. I told Carisi. We need to make sure we didn't miss anything. We don't have much time. Jury selection is tomorrow."

_"We'll let you know what we find."_

Rafael thanked her and hung up. He spent the rest of the short walk back to his office mulling over Hassler's _arm candy_ comment.

* * *

Rafael was still at his office a couple hours later when he got an update.

_Carisi: We spoke to that aux cop. Lomatin. Don't know if you plan to call him but you'll want to prep him_

Rafael sorted through some papers in search of his notes on Lomatin and he pressed the call button on his phone.

_"Carisi."_

"Detective. Talk to me about Lomatin."

_"Yeah, look Barba. I know he was a huge help with the case and all-"_

"Carisi, I haven't even met the man. Whatever you need to say, just say it."

 _"He's morally …"_ Carisi paused again and Rafael allowed himself a moment to imagine the detective wetting his bottom lip and tilting his head as he looked for the right word. Rafael was about to prod him again when he finally finished in a rush. _"Unsound. He literally told Fin and me that he'd lie if it'd help him get a real badge."_

"You're not serious," Rafael responded flatly.

_"One hundred percent. I think he'd try to pull something out of his ass if he thought it'd help the case. He needs to be on the same page with you before he gets on the stand and compromises things. Even if you don't call him, Has-"_

"I agree," Rafael said through gritted teeth, much more annoyed at the prospect of more prep time than he'd mentally accounted for than admitting that Carisi was right. "Alright. I'll need to meet with him tomorrow to go over his testimony."

 _"Yeah, you got it, Counselor,"_ Carisi agreed. _"Want me to set it up? Before or after jury selection?"_

Rafael felt a slight jolt of arousal at Carisi's eagerness that he pushed away.

"No, Carisi. I'll have Carmen set it up. I'll see you for jury selection at 10:30 tomorrow. We'll find out the auxiliary officer's availability after 3. That'll give us plenty of time to review the jury, and Hassler's witness and evidence lists before meeting with Lomatin."

_"Right,"_ Carisi agreed. Rafael got the distinct impression he was jotting the details down but it hardly took a second before Carisi continued. _"Anything you need from me, Counselor? Anything to work on before jury selection?"_

"Just make sure you're familiar with the case, Detective. I'll see you tomorrow."

_"Yeah, goodnight, Barba."_

* * *

**Sunday, November 15, 2015**

[Deleted Scene](https://vimeo.com/146151027)

* * *

**_"She's in. I want people who believe in right and wrong. But I don't want morons."_ **

Rafael sorted through his stack of index cards, each with a different juror's name, demographic information, and brief answers to questions. He and Hassler had narrowed the jury pool down considerably before Judge Horowitz called a recess for lunch. They still needed to dismiss six more potential jurors when they returned.

Rafael had easily selected his top ten jurors and set them aside, knowing he would not strike any of them. He paused in ranking the remaining eight to watch Carisi make additional notes on the jurors dismissed earlier in the morning. He knew he should no longer be surprised by the detective's thoroughness but he was still impressed to see that Carisi had taken notes on Hassler's decisions in addition to Rafael's.

"Taking notes on the defense as well, Detective? Keeping your options open post bar?"

"Hardly," Carisi scoffed. "I mean, I know that everyone deserves a good defense and I know that they're vital to keeping innocent people out of prison but --- I just always envisioned myself following in your footsteps. Eventually."

Rafael tried to focus on the work in front of him but as Carisi spoke, Rafael's eyes gave up on the index cards in favor of flitting between Carisi's moving hands, diverted eyes, and blushing cheeks. Carisi glanced up at him and Rafael slowly lowered his eyes back to the juror's card that he rearranged near the bottom of his stack.

"I can't decide if I should be flattered or worried," Rafael said, aiming for casual but he couldn't help his raised eyebrows or questioning inflection.

"Worried?" Carisi laughed. "Nobody could steal your job away, especially not me. And while some people might kill for their career ..."

Carisi trailed off with a smirk on his face but unlike the jury selection jokes about geneciode that surprised a laugh out of Rafael, he couldn't even force it this time. 

"So, uh," Carisi started awkwardly, suddenly in a rush after the brief but decidedly uncomfortable silence. "I guess you should be flattered. I mean, the truth of the matter is that I started taking the classes so I could be a better detective but I figured if I actually got my degree, passed the bar, _and_ eventually practiced, I'd want to prosecute sex crimes. Sooo, it's not like it's all you." Rafael just hummed noncommittally, trying to concentrate on jury selection instead of the heavy breathing from an unknown caller the night before. 

"But if I'm being honest," Carisi continued like he couldn't help but to fill the silence, "even though that was before I met you, it was also around the time I read about some ADA who had a celebrity defendant choke him in open court. So maybe it does all tie back to one source."

And with just one comment, thoughts of blocked numbers left Rafael's mind.

"I hope you know," Rafael began with a slow smirk, "that kinky acts in court are one in a trillion. Not worth the effort if that's your draw."

Carisi snorted and shook his head. "Thanks for the career advice." 

Rafael laughed silently and shuffled through a couple more cards before he realized that Carisi hadn't resumed his noted taking. His eyes lifted towards Carisi, head still angled toward the work in front of him. Carisi didn't look away, didn't blush. He just seemed to consider Rafael for an extended moment before a smile crept on his face.

Rafael gave himself a fraction of a second to appreciate that right dimple, to reconsider the boundaries he'd laid out for this case. He was too stubborn to push through those boundaries himself but too interested to shut the door completely.

"Something on your mind, Detective?" He asked, his voice soft.

Carisi's eyes squinted slightly and he considered Rafael for a few more seconds.

"Rarely," Carisi answered, a mockery of Rafael's past taunts, Staten Island accent laid on thick, " _Counselor_."

Rafael shook his head and refocused his eyes back on the cards of the last two jurors to rank. He practically felt Carisi's attempts to suppress his smile.

* * *

"George Huang? The FBI shrink?" Carisi asked as he looked over Rafael's shoulder. "That's not common, right? A shrink when their defense isn't insanity?"

"Not particularly common, no," Rafael agreed. "But certainly not unheard of." 

Jury selection was over and they were back in the same small meeting room but this time, Rafael sat in a chair. Carisi crowded into his space, one hand on the back of his chair, the other on the table right beside Hassler's witness list so he could easily read along. 

Rafael leaned against his elbow and pressed two fingers to his temple as he considered their limited remaining prep time. He was about to grab a cup of coffee with Olivia so he could update her. He had the meeting with Lomatin at 3 o'clock. He had to finalize his opening statements and prepare witness questions as well as likely cross examinations. And now this curve ball.

"After we prep Lomatin, Carisi," Rafael said as he turned his head to look up the Detective. "I'm going to need you to analyze the confession."

"Yeah, okay," Carisi agreed. He pushed himself away from the table but he kept his left hand on the back of Rafael's chair. "Because of Huang?"

"She wants to discredit the confession," Rafael nodded and he turned back to put files into his briefcase. "Huang will likely just be one attempt to do so. I practically have it memorized. Fresh eyes would be welcome."

"Copy that. And what about before Lomatin?" Carisi asked as he took a small step back, just enough to give Rafael room to stand. "Want me to look into Huang?"

Rafael blinked up at him, confused at first and then ready to dismiss him.

"Not to discredit him or anything," the detective cut in quickly. "I know he used to work with SVU. Lieu and Fin have both mentioned him. Clearly respect him. I just mean to see if we can get any clues as to why Hassler picked him, what he might say."

"Hassler picked him for his credentials and the fact he's usually testified _against_ men like Hodda. And the breadth of cases he's been involved in, I doubt you'll find a pattern or clue." He paused to take in Carisi's pinched brows but relaxed stance. Not deflated or discouraged, just listening, learning. The detective had come through on more outlandish paths before. "But it wouldn't be the worst way to spend the next hour or so."

* * *

"I don't understand why Hodda's lawyer is going to question me first."

Lomatin, Carisi, and Rafael were in the empty courtroom. Rafael had just given a rundown of when he might expect when Lomatin interrupted.

"As I was getting to, Mr. Lomatin," Rafael began brusquely as he leaned against the rail to the jury box, "we expect Hassler will attempt to bring in reasonable doubt by casting suspicion on you. If we show the jury how crucial you were to the investigation, it will make her claims seem all the more devastating to our case. In the eyes of the jury."

Rafael had watched the footage of Lomatin speaking with local news and had read his statements to the police. He was betting that flattery would soothe the auxiliary cop's ego. He walked to the prosecution's table to take off his suit jacket, back to Lomatin. 

"We hope that by having to call you herself, this defense will seem like a shot in the dark instead of a fatal wound to the prosecution."

"A great man is always willing to be little," Lomatin agreed solemnly.

Rafael shared a look with Carisi. Carisi nodded, eyebrows raised thoughtfully, with just the slightest pull at his lips that Lomatin was too far away to catch. Rafael was glad for the detective's ability to mask his reactions in times like this, like an interrogation. He knew that he didn't have the patience to flatter Lomatin further, and certainly not enough to hide his disdain after such self-involved lack of self-awareness.

"Right." Rafael replaced his disdain for determination and turned back to face Lomatin. "Let's return to your testimony."

They started with background information to ease into it. Rafael walked around the room as Lomatin readily answered the questions. He clearly possessed knowledge of police work, perhaps even more than some unis that Rafael had encountered, but not the intelligence to usefully apply that knowledge.

Despite Lomatin's previous stoicism, his demeanor changed as Rafael's questions turned accusatory.

"She can't say this! I'm the one who never gave up on Hector. I'm the one who found his lunchbox!"

"Mr. Lomatin, you cannot get defensive on the stand," Rafael told him with a sigh. He strode to the witness stand and held Lomatin's gaze. "She can and will ask questions to paint you in the worst light possible. I'll object when appropriate but if you want justice for Hector, you have to keep your composure."

Lomatin nodded, eyes cast down.

"Good." Rafael backed away from the witness box toward where Carisi was now perched on the edge of the prosecution desk. "How did you know where to find Hector's lunchbox?"

He picked up his water to take a drink while Lomatin answered.

"We'd all been looking and I remembered seeing Hodda hanging around Hector's school, talking to the kids there. Talking to Hector --" Carisi leaned over towards his legal pad and tapped his pen on a word he'd already written.

_**L I E** _

"I found out where he wor-"

"Mr. Lomatin," Rafael cut in. "It's very important that you do not embellish. The-"

"I'm not!"

Rafael opened his mouth and tilted his head, pausing just for a short moment. "You would have shared this with the detectives. Either then or leading up to tomorrow's trial. We need corroboration, someone who had taken such a statement, for it to be credible."

Lomatin was rocking slightly and Rafael paused again. He glanced at Carisi, who merely inclined his head. 

No help at all.

Other than alerting Rafael of the lie.

"Keep your answers concise," Rafael told him shortly. "Answer no more than what is asked, in the fewest words possible."

"But I-"

"It's the same thing he's always telling me," Carisi piped up. "The defense always wants us to keep talking, so we screw up. And if Barba needs more from you, he'll just ask the direct question. Cops, we do the work in the field. But we gotta follow the ADA's lead in the courtroom."

Lomatin started to nod the moment Carisi implied that Lomatin was a cop like him. It was a smart move. Rafael waited a moment to see if Lomatin wanted to argue more but he appeared to be waiting for the ADA.

"How did you find Hector's lunchbox?"

"I used the training I received from NYPD."

"When no one else could find it? No other NYPD officers, detectives?"

"I know that area well. I got lucky."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Rafael decided that Lomatin was as ready as he'd ever be. The three men put their coats on and made their way out of the courtroom.

"Remember," Rafael said as he passed through the door that Carisi held for them. "Concise answers, only to what is directly asked. Don't embellish. Don't reveal anything that you haven't already disclosed to me or someone from SVU. And Mr. Lomatin." 

Rafael stopped and waited until the other man stopped too. Waited for him to turn and look down at Rafael. He looked at Lomatin intently. 

"You need to be prepared for Hassler to ask if you killed Hector." Lomatin looked away. Rafael tried to duck his head into Lomatin's line of vision but he only got quick glances as he continued. "Answer the question. Don't get defensive. She can't belabour the point once you answer. The faster the question is behind us, the better."

Lomatin nodded and Carisi clapped him on the shoulder.

"You'll do great," the detective told him gruffly.

* * *

Rafael exited the precinct elevator on SVU's floor later that evening. He had finished his opening statement and questions for his witnesses. He had taken notes on questions he expected from Hassler, possible calls for redirect. He would still go over it all again, add more notes, once he got home. But he was ready for the trial. He just needed to speak to Carisi and Liv before going home to review everything, somewhat fresh, somewhere other than his office.

Earlier in the evening, Carisi had sent Rafael a couple of emails. The first had included summaries of a few of Huang's cases with defendants similar to Hodda. As the detective noted, those were cases in which Huang had testified against the defendant but it was helpful background information. 

Carisi had also included the handful of cases in which Huang had testified for a defendant. None of those cases had any commonalities with Hodda. Three times he had testified for a minor who had attacked an adult who they accused of sexual assault. Once he had testified for a woman who killed her sexually abusive husband.

Later that evening but shortly before Rafael finished at his office, Carisi had sent a second email. This one included his notes from watching the full confession, twice. He summarized his notes and posited a couple of theories about Huang's testimony to open but the majority of the email was his bullet-point impressions and parenthetical ties to Huang's potential testimony. Carisi had replied to his own email within seconds, saying that he was going to grab some food and watch the confession one more time before calling it a night. Rafael hadn't bothered responding, knowing that Carisi would still be at the precinct by the time he got there.

Rafael walked into the squad room and immediately saw Carisi hunched over a legal pad, an empty plastic take-out container to his right and a bag of Pangione's in the chair to his left. Rafael heard Liv's soft voice from the TV just out of his sight.

"Detective," Rafael greeted mildly as he approached. "Found more to add to your extensive notes?"

Carisi paused the playback and wiped his mouth with a napkin as he stood.

"Not yet," Carisi responded with a shake of his head. "But I'm still watching." 

"Well, I need to check in with Olivia," Carisi was nodding before Rafael finished speaking. "Shouldn't take long but come see me if you finish here before I finish there."

"You got it, Counselor," Carisi agreed. He used Rafael's appearance as an excuse to collect his trash and take it to the break room to throw away, leaving the Pangione's bag. Rafael crossed behind the chair to see there was still enough food in it to feed at least two more people. He wondered if it was for Liv or maybe the uniform officers on duty.

Rafael turned away from the table and crossed toward Liv's office. This could have been done over the phone but she had been working so hard, practically consumed by finally getting justice for Hector. He wanted to see for himself that she left work at a decent hour. And he wanted to encourage her in person to go home instead of to Delores' apartment.

Liv's door was open but she was focused on her laptop when Rafael leaned against the frame. He just looked at her for a moment, took in her pinched brows and her slightly pursed lips. Her hair was up in a messy bun, some strands falling around her face.

"I'm going to send Carisi to check on Delores," Rafael spoke into the silence without preamble. Liv simply lifted her eyes from her computer to his face, as though she knew he was there the entire time.

"I was going to go myself when I finished up here," Liv responded with a sigh.

"And when will that be?"

Liv's mouth curved into a half smirk. "I just have this one email to respond to. Won't take me a minute."

"And how long do you plan to be with Delores?"

"As long as needed," Liv replied shortly, smirk gone.

"And when do you plan to sleep?"

"Barb-"

"Olivia." The two looked at each other for a beat and Rafael continued. "Let Carisi handle this."

"And when is he supposed to sleep?" Liv challenged.

"Couple of things," Rafael said as he finally straightened from the door frame and took three steps into her office. "You're his superior and, again, he can handle this. This is a time for delegating. Not to mention, he doesn't have the same responsibilities at home that you have."

Liv sighed as she stood. "He might not have a kid but he is in school. He spreads himself thin as--"

"Liv, he's young. We're not. Let. Him. Do. This."

Liv narrowed her eyes at Rafael before rolling them.

"I can't think of another situation when reminding a woman of her advancing years would win an argument," Liv said, a smile on her lips, "but I can hardly disagree with you there."

"Well, that was easier than expected. No, no," Rafael crossed to her desk as she started to sit. They both stopped when his hand touched the lid of her laptop, his threat clear. "If it's going to take you less than a minute, you can do it on your phone. On your way out the door. Otherwise, you'll find some rabbithole to fall in and never get out of here."

"Fine," she agreed quickly and put her hand beside his to close the laptop lid herself.

Rafael turned to grab her coat while she placed a few items in her bag.

"You gonna walk me to my car, Counselor?" Liv asked with a laugh as she let him help her with her coat.

"No, but I am going to close this office door behind you and tell the uni at the desk to call me if you come back."

Rafael full on grinned at her. Things had been so tense lately, not just with this trial, but in general. He savored the times when they could be light together. Especially since he knew it was short lived.

The two walked out of the office together and the lieutenant made a point to pull the door shut herself before Rafael could even reach for it. He slowed as their path brought them in line with, but still a good ten feet from, Carisi at work. Olivia looked over her shoulder at him, clearly not surprised that he still needed to talk to her detective. 

"Good night, Barba," she called softly, lifting her phone above her head as she did. He nodded back and turned to check this last item off his list before he could go home.

**_"Anything?"_ **

**_"I've watched this whole confession three times and this guy is crazy but he's not, you know,_ crazy _."_**

**_"Thank you, Dr. Carisi. Thinking of taking up medicine after you pass the bar?"_ **

* * *

**_"Go, be supportive. She's a good woman."_ **

**_"Where is Delores?"_ **

**_"Her old apartment. She never moved … so Hector would be able to find her if he ever came back."_ **

Carisi stood there for a moment and when Rafael looked back up, he nodded while averting his eyes and grabbing his things to leave. Rafael watched Carisi go, thinking of Delores in that same apartment, of Liv's work over the years, of Wyatt still traumatized, of Hodda's other victims, those other boys. 

He could have walked out with Carisi. The other man might have cracked a joke or maybe Rafael could have asked how his sister was doing. Something to release some of the stress of the day, to take his mind off Hodda for a moment. But he just stood and watched him go before he closed his eyes and mentally shook himself free from his thoughts.

In the brief moment just before Rafael opened his eyes, the look on Carisi's face before he left passed over his vision. Rafael had been more open with him than before. Than he generally was except in rare moments with even those closest to him. Carisi had seemed surprised but understanding. And almost like he was afraid to acknowledge Rafael's moment of vulnerability. All at once.

Rafael snorted and shook his head. As he made his way back to the elevator, he pulled out his phone to text Delores's address to Carisi.

* * *

**Monday, November 16, 2015**

* * *

**_"And the only way to help you was to find somebody to blame for your son's murder."_ **

**_"Objection. Leading the witness."_ **

**_"Sustained."_ **

**_"I think we understand."_ **

Judge Horowitz called for a recess for lunch and Rafael stood to watch the gallery slowly empty. Carisi stood quietly at his side and Rafael turned slightly to face the detective. 

"Liv's not going to like this," Rafael muttered. He lightly knocked his knuckles on the table as he considered the best course of action. "Wait a moment for more people to clear then send her in. Tell her that you're going to check in with Tutuola and will let her know how things are at the precinct. Then do it. Interrupt if there are any issues. Otherwise, shadow takes a break. Got it?"

"Got it, Counselor." Carisi grabbed his portfolio with one hand and gave Rafael an encouraging pat on the back with his other. Rafael felt some tension seep out of him at the touch. Despite that, he very nearly called over his shoulder to remind the detective about professional distance but he stopped himself. 

The touch was no different than before they had slept together. Carisi had always reached for him. Reassuring gestures, gestures of comradery, gestures seeking affirmation. And Rafael knew he wasn't special. Carisi did it with everyone. The fact that he still did it to him just showed how comfortable the young man remained. How Rafael kept coming close to making things awkward.

Rafael leaned against the table facing the judge's bench. He looked over his shoulder to watch Carisi patiently wait towards the end of the line of people exiting the courtroom. He took a deep breath and waited for Olivia.

* * *

**_"Dr. Huang is an expert witness, I'm asking for his expert opinion."_ **

**_"Overruled."_ **

**_"Dr. Huang?"_ **

**_"Yes, Mr. Hodda might say anything."_**

"Lieu's having a rough day," Carisi muttered as he and Rafael walked away from the courthouse at dusk. The two were mostly silent after court adjourned for the day and they left the building. Rafael was replaying the day's testimonies over in his head and had been grateful for the silence.

"She's not the only one," Rafael snarked in reply. 

"Hey, your punches landed," Carisi told him sincerely. He walked in step with Rafael as they made their way to Hogan Place. "Drew first blood and kept swinging."

"I drew first blood because I questioned each witness first. Not the case anymore."

"Look, you can be self-deprecating all ya want," Carisi's hand reflexively reached in front of Rafael as they approached the intersection and a car blew through the red light. "But you drew first blood with Hodda too. His testimony when Hassler questioned did nothing for them. But your cross absolutely proved your point."

Rafael glanced at the detective's hand, no longer protecting as they reached the other side of the intersection but now pointing to emphasize his words.

"And you can kiss ass all you want, Detective," Rafael responded without much bite. "But we both know that Huang's testimony will make each juror question my cross of Hodda."

Carisi snorted and they walked the rest of the way to Barba's office without another word. Barba had grown so used to his shadow that he didn't even think to question Carisi's continued presence until he flipped on the lights to Carmen's outer office. Before he could broach the topic, the detective broke the silence.

"So tomorrow?"

Rafael just raised his eyebrows while he unlocked his office door.

"Who do you think Hassler will call next?" Carisi continued. He followed Rafael's lead and took off his coat but stood while Rafael walked around to sit at his desk.

"If she's smart, which she is, she'll call Lomatin. Try to dirty him up. And then call Hodda's boss to talk up what a great employee he is. Leave the jury with a positive image of her client after starting the day with _reasonable doubt_."

Carisi pursed his lips and Rafael forced himself to look away, focusing on his laptop booting up instead. The detective stepped forward and around Rafael's desk, but just enough to perch on the corner of it.

"You seem pessimistic?" 

"Is that a question or a statement?" Rafael responded as he typed in his password.

"A little of both, I suppose," Carisi said softly before he spoke with a bit more force. "I don't know. I guess this case, what with the confession and all, it just felt like almost a sure thing."

Rafael turned in his chair and rolled back and away from Carisi. He considered him for a moment and, not for the first time, wondered how a man who has been a cop his entire adult life, who has worked Homicide and SVU as a detective, who was going to law school with a focus on criminal law, could remain so … hopeful. In less than a minute, he took in Carisi's young face and bright eyes but also the tension in his shoulders and his brow that seemed to be permanently furrowed. 

"Well, first to answer your question," Rafael began after a deep breath. "I am pessimistic. And at the risk of sounding condescending, there are no sure things. Ever. And certainly not in a court of law."

Carisi rolled his eyes and opened his mouth but Rafael continued before he could be interrupted.

"You're a smart man and I know you know that. I also know how easy it is, especially as a new lawyer, to know a case so well and to forget our own bias. And to forget that not only do we always know more than the jury but we will never be able to reveal all that we know to the jury. When you go up against someone on the defense like Hassler, and really most people at this level, they will find a way to frame at least some of that limited information in their client's favor."

As Rafael spoke, a slight blush rose on Carisi's cheeks. He wasn't sure if it was the initial compliment or the patronizing, but accurate, speech that followed but the detective's face, usually so expressive, didn't give much else away. He didn't give himself much time to consider it before clicking open his email.

"Is there anything I can help you with, Counselor?" Carisi asked, tone of voice normal and Rafael could feel him shift his weight so ever so slightly in Rafael's direction.

"How did it go when you visited Delores last night?" Rafael answered by way of response.

"I mean, as well as you can expect for a woman who's been through what she's been through. I think she appreciated me visiting. We talked about cookin'."

"Not about the case?" Rafael asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah, I told her everything you told me to. But after I got that out of the way, made sure she didn't have any questions, I asked about what was on the stove."

"Of course you did," Rafael muttered with a smirk. A glance at Carisi's self-satisfied grin told him that the man took his comment in the positive light he'd intended. He turned back to his computer and nonchalantly asked, "And nothing about the case being a 'sure thing'?"

"Nah, of course not," Carisi responded immediately. Not defensive. Reassuring. "Even I know that no case is sure enough to get up the hopes of a grieving family."

"Good," Rafael nodded. "Give her a call and check up on her for me, then. If Liv's not there, can you offer to stop by?"

"Yeah, yeah, on it, Counselor." And Carisi stepped out of the office but he left the door open while he made the call.

Rafael turned his attention to his computer. He was too tired, and too focused on the Hodda case, to respond to most of the emails but he moved the day's emails into different folders and marked them unread so that he'd come back to them. A couple of emails couldn't be put off so he left those in the inbox with the intention of responding as soon as Carisi left.

"Of course, Mrs. Rodriguez," Carisi said as he walked back into Rafael's office. "Anytime. Just call if you need anything … You too … Goodnight."

"Liv's there?" Rafael asked when he saw Carisi lower his phone out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, drove her home, from the sound of it." The detective stopped opposite Rafael, the large desk between them.

Rafael nodded and reread one of the emails he had to reply to that night.

"If there's not anything else-"

"There's not," Rafael cut in. "You're dismissed."

"Actually," Carisi drawled out, "I was going to offer to get you some food? Or a ride home? I drove the squad car to court today."

Rafael cut his eyes toward Carisi and started to shake his head before he was interrupted.

"No funny business," Carisi cut in. "I swear."

Rafael considered him for a moment. He glanced at his phone and thought of the texts and hang ups. He thought about saving some time and maybe getting to bed before midnight. He thought about Delores enjoying a visit with Carisi the night before. 

"Fine. Where'd you park?"

Rafael was about to push away from his desk and close his laptop but Carisi's long fingers grabbed the screen. Rafael narrowed his eyes, slightly annoyed.

"Keep working," Carisi told him firmly. "I'll go get the car and I'll text you when I get back."

Rafael sighed but he couldn't argue with that logic, or what the time it'd save him. He rolled back towards his laptop and instead of thanking Carisi, he asked again, "Where did you park?"

"NYPD spot on the other side of the courthouse. Keep working. I'll let you know when I'm outside."

Twenty minutes and four emails later, Carisi walked back into his office and stopped just inside the door.

"Did your phone die, Detective?" Rafael asked without even looking up from the document he'd started typing with notes from the day.

"First time for everything," Carisi answered. Rafael could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Do you mind if I …?" Rafael gestured vaguely to his laptop and continued typing.

"Yeah, sure. I can put in for some take out at that bistro on 33rd St."

Rafael glanced up to watch Carisi walk into the office and settle himself in the chair across from him, phone out.

"Phone back to life already?" Barba asked while he resumed typing. "Without the benefit of a charger?"

"Miracles happen everyday," Carisi responded distractedly. "How does the grilled salmon sound?"

Rafael took a beat to realize that Carisi was ordering for him but quickly decided not to fight it.

"Delicious."

"Great," Sonny said. He swiped and poked a couple times on his phone. "It'll be ready in 30."

Rafael nodded. He took a couple of minutes to finish his last notes on Liv's testimony. He'd pick up with Hodda and Huang when he got home.

Carisi stood and grabbed Rafael's coat while Rafael put his laptop in his briefcase. Rafael was grateful he didn't try to help him put his coat on but simply handed it over to him. 

The two left the building in near silence, just a couple of comments about checking traffic for the fastest way to the bistro and speculation on whether or not the food would really be ready on time.

"What'd you order for yourself, Detective?" Rafael asked while he opened the door to the squad car parked right in front of his office. "Let me guess. The pappardelle pasta?"

"Hm?" Carisi answered. He slid into the car and waited for Rafael to get in and shut his door before he fully responded. "Ah, nothing for me. I actually have chicken enchiladas going on the slow cooker at home."

Rafael snorted at the confession but decided to bypass the fact that Carisi went out of his way to place an order only for Rafael. 

"I'm not sure which is more surprising. That you cook anything other than Italian or that the famed Chef Carisi uses a Crockpot."

"I'll have you know," Carisi pointed in Rafael's direction as he drove. "My repertoire is extensive. And a slow cooker is a great option for anyone with the kind of hours we put in." He paused and gave Rafael a quick sidelong look before he continued grudgingly. "But my ma would kill me if I ever cooked any Italian dish with it. And she'd know. She's got some crazy sense about these things."

"So you can cook enchiladas for, what, 12 hours? They have to be overcooked, even on a low setting."

"Eight hours is ideal but a little more than that doesn't hurt at all."

Rafael gaped at him. Carisi's eyes twinkled from the city lights when he turned to look at him at a red light.

" _A little more_? Carisi, I'm no cook but --"

Carisi held up his left wrist, showing off his Apple watch, and startled at the horn behind him the second the light changed.

"Oh, Detective," Rafael laughed. "Don't tell me your entire home is hooked up to that thing?"

"My 'entire home' is about half the size of yours, Counselor," Carisi told him, too amused to truly sound defensive. "So it might seem like it's close to the full apartment but a couple of smart outlets isn't a big deal."

"So one outlet in the kitchen and …?"

"And one for a lamp in the living room."

Rafael looked out his window to hide his smirk from Carisi, who drove about a block before he broke the silence.

"The closest switch to the door is a good fifteen feet away, alright?" Rafael turned and raised his eyebrows, feigning innocence. "It's nice to have the light on before I get there."

"I didn't say a word, Detective."

"Uh-huh," Carisi answered while he drummed his fingers on the wheel. "Your silence speaks _volumes_."

Rafael remained silent, hoping it'd get under the detective's skin. As he did, he rolled over this information in his head. He had to admit, if only to himself, that it did seem like a helpful system for a man as busy as Carisi.

"So you can turn that slow cooker on with your watch? And turn it off again if you end up setting it earlier than you should have?"

"Yup, easy peasy."

Rafael nodded and Carisi just grinned as he turned onto 33rd St.

"Well, if it's not my lucky day," Carisi's grin stretched wider at the sight of a spot right in front. He pulled up beside the car in front of the empty spot to begin parallel parking. Rafael unbuckled his seatbelt, ready to exit the car as soon as Carisi came to a stop.

"Hey," Carisi said as he backed up and turned into the spot, somehow managing despite driving with the heel of his palms. "I can run in."

"Don't be ridiculous," Rafael scoffed and he opened his door before Carisi had a chance to straighten the car out. "You finish parking. I'll be in and out."

Rafael wasn't sure what to think of Carisi going slightly overboard with his attentions. He was annoyed further to discover that Carisi had paid on the mobile app, tip included. It certainly sped up the process of picking up his food but it was too much, as Carisi tended to be.

Rafael returned to the sedan and leveled the detective with a look. "Buying my dinner, Carisi? Wh-"

"Consider it a thank you," Carisi interrupted. Rafael just stared at him open mouthed but Carisi didn't even see it, already pulling back onto the street to finish the short drive to Rafael's apartment. The other man read Rafael's silence correctly again and continued, "ya know, for letting me shadow you."

Rafael wasn't sure what to say. He knew that Carisi was getting a lot out of the experience but it'd be intellectually dishonest to accept such gratitude without pointing out how helpful Carisi was to Rafael as well. And he wasn't ready to admit out loud that Carisi shadowing him was working in his favor. He might not ever be.

"Counselor, it's just take out," Carisi said with a roll of his eyes as he pulled up in front of Rafael's building. "Accept the gesture and we can all move on with our lives."

Rafael gave Carisi a measured look, which the detective returned. He wasn't sure what he was looking for in the other man's expression but he decided that Carisi was right. He gathered his take out and briefcase and got out of the car. Before he closed the car door, he ducked his head back in so he could have the final word.

"I'll buy next time, Detective."

Rafael shut the door before Carisi could respond, though that didn't stop the other man from rolling down the window to call out, "Goodnight, Counselor."

* * *

**Tuesday, November 17, 2015**

* * *

**_"Did you murder Hector Rodriguez?"_ **

**_"Mr. Lomatin, just answer the question."_ **

**_"I will not dignify that question with an answer, Your Honor."_ **

**_"I'm not hearing a 'no'."_ **

Rafael tried to salvage Lomatin's testimony through cross-examination but he knew it was a shoddy job. If he could be confident that Lomatin would "dignify the question with an answer" for Rafael, he would have asked it himself. But Lomatin proved unreliable and since he wasn't Rafael's witness, and he was the first to testify that day, a recess was also out of the question. 

The best he could do was ask as few questions as possible about the investigation process and ask when Lomatin last saw Hector. Lomatin may not answer if he murdered Hector but he would testify to last seeing the boy on his way to school on the day he disappeared. It wasn't nearly enough. But it was the best he could do.

When Rafael sat back down, he could feel the tension rolling off Carisi in waves. To his credit, the man did not fidget or squirm as he might when watching an interrogation he wanted to jump in on from behind a pane of two-way glass. But he had a white knuckled grip on his pen and his hand jerked slightly as he scribbled notes through Hassler's questioning of James Santori, Hodda's most recent boss.

After Hassler's final witness, and Rafael's one minor victory of a sustained hearsay objection at the mention of a verbal recommendation leading to Santori hiring Hodda, Judge Horowitz blessedly proclaimed the court in recess for lunch before closing arguments. 

Rafael took his time packing away his legal pad and files, relieved that Carisi followed his lead. He had been half certain the detective would rush out the door to lay into Lomatin, and cause a scene in front of Hassler, Judge Horowitz, and the entire jury in the process. By the time they stood from their table, Horowitz was gone and most of the jury had filed out as well. 

Hassler was still speaking to her client across the aisle when Rafael slowly stood, feigning indifference and arrogance. Carisi strode around the prosecution table to put himself between Rafael and the defense before they left the courtroom. Rafael barely contained his eyeroll until he realized that Carisi was working on instinct, not even aware of his protective nature as his eyes swept the exiting gallery until they landed on Lomatin still seated in the back. 

Rafael stepped ahead of Carisi and felt his shadow follow a step behind him. Lomatin eyes flitted between Rafael and the floor, his head cast down the entire time.

"Mr. Lomatin," Rafael said with a simple gesture, indicating that the auxiliary officer should leave the courtroom with him. Reluctantly, Lomatin stood and preceded him through the door with slow strides that Rafael easily out paced as soon as he crossed the threshold. He led Lomatin and Carisi to the small meeting room just down the hall. 

Carisi entered their meeting room first, and crossed it quickly to pull the other door shut tight before he rounded on Lomatin. He opened his mouth but stopped himself. He watched Rafael close the door they'd entered and waited. It only took Rafael a moment to realize that Carisi was waiting for permission, in case Rafael wanted to say his piece first. Rafael looked into Carisi's face, jaw tight with anger. He nodded to the detective.

"You might have just sunk this entire case," Carisi stated plainly. His voice was barely raised but his tone was deadly. Lomatin leaned, dejected, against the wall, Rafael at the door to his right and Carisi at his left until the detective turned on his heel and walked to the opposite side of the room, putting the table between himself and Lomatin. "You do realize that, don't you?"

"You heard her," Lomatin answered, eyes never leaving the floor. "She insinuated that I killed Hector."

"Which Mr. Barba prepped you for," Carisi all but shouted and he pushed the chair in front of him roughly under the table, the muffled bang causing Lomatin to jump. In another situation, Rafael might have laughed about a wannabe NYPD officer startling so easily. Carisi was rightfully pissed and for once, Rafael was satisfied to let someone else vent their shared frustrations. "He specifically told you that Hassler would likely ask that question. He told you to answer, short and to the point. He warned you not to get defensive. What happened to Emerson?"

"'Emerson?'" Lomatin asked, looking up for the first time since entering the room, confusion clear on his face. Rafael was done.

" _'A great man is always willing to be little,'_ " Rafael cut in as he dropped his briefcase on the table. He faced Lomatin directly, at the head of the table and a few feet from Carisi, but clearly on his side. "Ralph Waldo Emerson. You quoted him-"

"I saw that on a poster once," Lomatin admitted quietly.

"Oh, for Chri-" Rafael began but Carisi's soft, strong voice cut him off.

"You refused to confirm the easiest question in existence, Mr. Lomatin," Carisi told him quietly, with an edge of danger to his voice. "You provided reasonable doubt. Hodda could _walk_."

"I'll figure something out," Lomatin said, shaking his head. "I'll fi-"

"It's too late!" Carisi snapped as he walked behind Rafael and to the door they had entered. "Summations are after lunch. You've made your contribution."

Rafael eyes followed the detective as he swung the door open and cocked a hip while he waited for Lomatin to leave but the man didn't budge. Rafael didn't even look in Lomatin's direction. His gaze lingered on Carisi, taking in the alluring sight of the detective's hand on his hip and the muscle working in his jaw. After a beat, he turned to his briefcase and began pulling out files.

"You're dismissed, Mr. Lomatin," Rafael said coolly without looking up.

Lomatin seemed to take a stutter step away from the wall before he lumbered out the room. Carisi closed the door softly behind him and came to stand behind the chair catty-corner to where Rafael stood. Rafael fished out a pen while he watched Carisi's hands gripping the chair in front of him and watched him lean back at his hips, as though stretching would ease his agitation.

"Feel better?" Rafael asked as he sat down and flipped to a clean sheet on his legal pad.

"Look, I'm sorry, Counselor," Carisi sat as well and rubbed his hands over his face. "I hope I didn't cross any lines."

"No, not at all. In fact, I was impressed by your restraint."

Carisi pulled his hands away to reveal a sheepish smile, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners.

"Yeah?" He asked. "You would have laid into him harder?"

"I don't know about _harder_ ," Rafael answered, one side of his mouth quirking into a smirk. "Perhaps more …" He trailed off, looking for the right word.

"Cutting?" Carisi suggested.

"Sure," Rafael agreed and he began writing a bullet point list of his case.

"What can I do?" Carisi straightened as he asked. "Run get you some lunch?"

"No thank you," Rafael replied distractedly. "I'm not particularly hungry."

"Coffee then?" The other man pressed. He stood up and pushed in his chair, clearly assuming that Rafael wouldn't turn down this offer.

"Well, if you're going," Rafael said. He looked up to see the hint of Carisi's right dimple. He wondered if he could coax both out. "Get me a chocolate muffin from the coffee stand as well?" 

And there they were. Both dimples framing Carisi's mouth, which twisted into an interesting combination of puckered lips stretched into a smirk that he seemed to want to suppress. Rafael had seen it before, two or three times, and he was still drawn to the expression.

"Anything else?" Carisi asked as he walked to the door.

"No, thank you," Rafael paused and then looked over his shoulder at Carisi pulling the door behind him. "Just remind me that I owe you yet another meal," he called.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Carisi answered with a wave of his hand.

* * *

**Six Days Later**

**Monday, November 23, 2015**

* * *

**_"Criminally neglect homicide."_**

**_"Are you kidding?"_**

**_"Shush. How much time?"_ **

"Three years."

"Not to repeat Detective Car-"

"Five, then," Hassler cut in as she straightened up and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I can't consider less than ten," Rafael pushed away from the chair he'd been leaning on and turned to face the table, his shoulders closed off to Hassler.

"And my client won't go above eight."

Rafael sighed and shook his head.

"Be reasonable, Mr. Barba," Hassler encouraged. "You and I both know that the odds are against conviction when a jury who has been out this long. Eight years."

He looked down and tapped his pen on his legal pad. He knew this was her final offer. He cut his eyes in Carisi's direction but he did not look above the badge on his hip. Liv would be furious. Delores Rodriguez would be devastated. But not as much as she would be if Hodda walked free.

"I'll consider it," Rafael said as he turned back to Hassler. "You'll have my answer tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" She asked, impatient, but Rafael just nodded. "By 9am or the deal's off."

Rafael nodded again. Hassler held his gaze before she grabbed her briefcase and swept out of the room. Rafael slumped down in his seat at the sound of the door closing behind her. He sat with his back to Carisi, not ready to face him yet.

"You're doing the right thing," the detective told him softly.

Rafael turned in time to see Carisi pick up a couple of balled up pieces of paper to throw away.

"Are you kidding?" Rafael mocked.

Carisi's eyes flicked back to Rafael mid-turn towards the trash can but they did not linger. Rafael wondered what he might have seen on his face, if he had put the mask up in time.

"Absolutely not," Carisi responded seriously. "Can you imagine Mrs. Rodriguez, if they return a 'not guilty' verdict?"

He sat down across from Rafael and they let the silence drag out for a moment while Rafael sipped his coffee.

"Or …" Carisi trailed off, looking unsure with his head cocked to the side and his brows pinched, until Rafael simply lifted his cup to indicate that Carisi continue. "Is it the Lieutenant you're worried about?"

Rafael sighed and sat up straighter in his seat. "She's not a fan of plea deals," Rafael answered. "And this deal is far more in favor of the defendant, especially considering the crimes. Not to mention his other crimes that are virtually impossible to prosecute."

Rafael paused. He realized he had been staring at the blinds covering the windows the entire time he spoke. He looked back at Carisi, unsurprised that he had the man's complete attention, leaning forward in his seat, his expression neutral and open, but thoughtful. Once again, he felt vulnerable under Carisi's gaze, but not as uncomfortable as he normally would with others.

"Liv's reaction did cross my mind," Rafael conceded. "But Mrs. Rodriguez is my primary concern."

"So, you'll talk to her? Or both of them? That's why you wanted to wait until tomorrow?"

Rafael pulled out his phone and brought up his message thread with Liv. "Liv'll be with Delores so I'll speak with them both."

_Are you with Mrs. Rodriguez? Could you bring her to my office?_

"What will you say?" Carisi asked as Rafael stared down at his phone.

"What can you say? After waiting for so many years, only for your worst fears to be confirmed? Waiting for justice for years after that?"

Rafael's phone buzzed and he turned it over to see the response from Liv.

_Benson: She's at church. I can bring her to your office around 7._

"Great," Rafael muttered. He stood, suddenly needing some fresh air. He packed up quickly, perhaps using more force than necessary to put his files in his briefcase and his coffee cup in the trash. He glanced up to see Carisi gathering his things more slowly, his eyes watching Rafael's face. Rafael sighed. "I'm going to take a walk. Looks like I have a couple hours to kill before delivering this news."

"A _walk_ ," Carisi asked, slightly incredulous. "Barba, the temperature's dropping like crazy. Why don't you buy me an early dinner?"

"At 5 o'clock?" Rafael snorted.

"Hey," Carisi said, holding the door open for Rafael. "It's practically 5:15 and I said 'early.' Come on. You owe me."

Rafael pushed through the door and considered his options. He knew that Carisi was insisting on dinner for Rafael's benefit, not his own, despite any reminders of him owing Carisi a couple of meals. Rafael hadn't had lunch, which Carisi knew. He also clearly could tell that Rafael needed a distraction while he waited to talk to Delores.

"Name the place, Detective."

* * *

Carisi picked the Thai place near Rafael's office. He also suggested they take their food back to the office so they'd be there if Liv brought Delores over sooner than planned. The walk to the restaurant and then to Rafael's office had been helpful and, as Carisi had predicted, it was just the right length considering the chill in the air. 

On the way to the restaurant, the two had discussed a couple of Huang's cases that Carisi had researched. The conversation led back to Hodda on their way to Hogan Place. By the time they were opening their take-out containers on the coffee table in Rafael's office, Carisi was ranting about Lomatin's negative impact on the trial.

"I swear," Carisi said as he stirred his pork pad ma bee. "The jury wouldn't even think twice about that confession if Lomatin weren't a viable alternate suspect."

Rafael smirked and bobbed his head, thinking about his conversation with Lomatin earlier that day as he savored the first bite of his chicken and drunken noodles. 

"You're not going to like this but Lomatin actually cornered me today," Rafael told him. Carisi paused a beat, fork almost to his mouth, before he took a bite. "He was angry that I hadn't returned his calls. Then he told me about how he'd been looking into the members of the jury."

Rafael took another bite.

"And?" Carisi asked, confused, his accent thick even though he'd only spoken one word.

Rafael shrugged and swallowed. "Weren't you just telling me this morning about the foreperson's Thanksgiving plans?" 

"So?" He was more agitated than confused this time. Rafael smirked again and he spoke around a mouthful of chicken. 

"And I seem to recall your annoyance with O'Dwyer for not responding to your messages during the McCrae case." Rafael barely kept a straight face when Carisi's wrist went limp, nearly dropping his fork. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before Rafael drove his point home. "Just reminded me of someone we know," he finished nonchalantly.

"Now wait just a second, Counselor," Carisi said as he turned to face Rafael on the couch. In turning, he scooted away from Rafael, as though scalded by the comparison. "Are you saying that I'm similar to _Lomatin_? Because I researched the jury and because I thought an ADA would want to talk to a detective working his case? A detective? Not some morally …" he paused again, looking for the appropriate word just as he'd struggled to do the first time the two had discussed Lomatin. "compromised _auxiliary cop_?"

" _Auxiliary cop_?" Rafael repeated. He continued eating calmly through the outburst, as though they were discussing case law, not a comparison that clearly offended Carisi deeply. "I never took you for a snob, _Detective_."

Rafael looked up from his food in time to catch Carisi's pursed lips, an expression that he loved to see whenever he broke Carisi's stride with a cutting but accurate observation on the detective's thought process. 

"Come on, Barba," Carisi reached forward and gently swatted Rafael's bicep with the back of his hand. Rafael looked at where the detective had touched him and then cut his eyes back to Carisi's face, an eyebrow raised. Carisi ignored the look. "You know I didn't mean it like that. And you know that a detective's call holds more weight than an auxiliary cop's. Especially an auxiliary cop who just tanked a case."

Rafael held his raised brow for a moment before he took another bite, not giving Carisi an inch.

"Come on," Carisi repeated, though he didn't finish the thought. Had Rafael not been looking for a clue that it was time to let up on his joke, he might have missed the slight quiver of pleading in Carisi's voice. He took a gulp of water and turned to the detective.

"Of course your call holds more weight," Rafael told him with an eye roll and a gesture for him to return to his neglected food. Carisi obeyed and focused on his dinner while Rafael spoke. "And not just because of the differences in your ranks, though there is that, but as individuals. I do think it's remarkable that you and Lomatin have a similar passion for your work and you both possess an impressive amount of knowledge as well."

"Barba, I-" Carisi exclaimed before he choked on the pork he hadn't finished swallowing. Rafael clapped him on the back twice while he coughed and forced down some water. When it was clear that Carisi could breath but while he still wiped away tears, Rafael continued.

"I'm comparing Lomatin to other uniformed officers I know, and you to other detectives. And you are knowledgeable. He lacks intelligence, but he possesses knowledge. He lacks morals, but possesses passion. That's the difference. That's why he'll never be more than an auxiliary cop."

Carisi looked at Rafael with a shrewd expression as he pieced together this assessment. His lips were pulled tight and his eyes traveled over Rafael's face, studying him. Rafael was glad that he hadn't tacked on his other thought, that Carisi's intelligence and morals not only made him a good cop but would also make him a good lawyer. He looked away and picked up his water again. 

"Anyway," Rafael began before taking a sip, "all those calls, makes me sympathize with O'Dwyer for once."

"Ha-ha," Carisi said, with true laughter in his voice. Rafael smirked that the detective finally stopped being defensive long enough to be part of the joke. The two continued to eat for a moment before Carisi muttered. "Like I'd ever quote something without knowing who I'm quoting."

"Oh yes," Rafael snorted. "That's the real injustice in the comparison."

Carisi laughed and again reached out to swat at Rafael's arm.

* * *

**Tuesday, November 24, 2015**

* * *

**_"I'm so sorry."_ **

**_"He's getting away with it."_ **

**_"No he won't. I spoke with my ex husband. And Wyatt. And we all want to help. We'll cooperate. We'll go to trial."  
_ **

Rafael waited until Delores Rodriguez led Laurie Colfax to the wall to light a candle for Hector before he turned to Liv.

"How?" He asked, unable to articulate more.

"I just …" Liv paused and shook her head. "I just told her about the verdict. She'd seen coverage of the trial, how long the jury had been out. She was already moving in this direction. She just needed-"

Liv looked at Rafael and shrugged her shoulders, her mouth stretched wide but not smiling. He nodded. He knew that the _how_ and the _why_ didn't matter. All that mattered was that they had a chance for justice. 

He stood beside Liv in silence as people slowly left their circle. Laurie rejoined them while Delores said her goodbyes to the jurors in attendance, and a few neighbors. Delores hugged Liv, Laurie, and even Rafael, whispering a sincere _gracias, que Dios te bendiga_ in his ear. She waved off Liv's offer to walk her home, and she pointed to Officer Lomatin waiting patiently near the lit candles before she continued on her path of goodnights.

"Ms. Colfax," Rafael began as he held out his hand to her but she silenced him with a shake of her head and a two handed handshake. They shared a reluctant smile and Rafael knew that she felt his gratitude but could not bare to hear it. He nodded and she walked around to the passenger's side of Liv's car. He awkwardly patted Olivia's shoulder as she opened her car door, unsure how to express his gratitude to her but her toothless smile indicated that she also understood.

Rafael's gaze drifted between Liv's car pulling away and Delores hugging an elderly woman. He saw Lomatin shifting his weight as he stood off to the side. Rafael felt a pang realizing that he would not have his own escort home. Carisi had driven him home at least half the nights of this trial and he had grown accustomed to it. 

He pulled out his phone to put in for an Uber, grateful that there weren't any missed calls or texts from blocked numbers. While he waited, he thought about Carisi at the hospital with Rollins. He decided it would be appropriate to ask after her, and to let him know the development with Laurie Coflax.

_How's Rollins?_

* * *

Rafael had been home for a couple of hours and was enjoying a second post-dinner scotch by the time he heard back from Carisi.

_Carisi: She's good. I mean, she's miserable being on bedrest for so long and now in the hospital. But everything's looking good_

_Carisi: They don't think she'll go into labor anytime real soon so she's gonna try to sleep. I'm staying in the waiting room_

Rafael glanced at the time at the top of his phone. 9:52. Based on the texts alone, it seemed like Carisi was wide awake. 

_Glad to hear that the prognosis is good_

_Have you heard from Benson? She spoke with Laurie Colfax_

Rafael nearly dropped his phone when it started ringing in his hand with an incoming call from the detective. 

"Hello?" Rafael wasn't sure why he pitched it as a question, as though they hadn't just been texting.

"Sorry, Counselor," Carisi said, voice slightly quieter than usual, likely in an attempt to keep it from carrying out of the waiting room. "I should have asked if it was okay to call. I just thought this might be easier than texting."

"No need to apologize," Rafael assured him. "This is easier. So, the upshot of Benson speaking to Ms. Colfax is that she, her ex, and her son are all on board to go to trial."

Rafael heard Carisi let out a long breath before he spoke.

"Wow, that's huge! How'd Mrs. Rodriguez take it?"

Rafael smiled and bit his lip at the memory. "I'm sure it's still hard that she didn't get a conviction specifically for Hector. But she was relieved. Liv brought Ms. Colfax to the vigil. It was …" Rafael paused, unsure for a moment how to complete the thought, "Powerful."

"Yeah," Carisi breathed. "I can imagine."

A silence hung between them.

Rafael wasn't sure how to end a call that, despite being about work, felt much more personal.

"Keep me in the loop on Rollins," he settled for, somehow making something more personal sound much more like work. "And if you need anything …"

"Yeah, of course," Carisi responded. "Happy Thanksgiving, Barba."

Rafael smiled. He'd almost forgotten that Thanksgiving was less than two days away.

"Happy Thanksgiving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Natalie](https://twitter.com/nataliecjeffrey), thank you again for your help! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading. Kudos or comments are always appreciated ❤️


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